brightPark150 Member Profile

...See more I have dealt with depression/general sadness since I was about 11 years old. I am now 21, I am in a stable and caring relationship and I had a good job. But I feel like in the past year I am spiraling down again. I began taking Zoloft daily, as prescribed, about 2 years ago. I recently felt as though I was in a place where I could safely stop taking my medication, ONLY if I ate well, exersized, and began to exersize creativity. My partner and I also decieded that getting a dog could help my process, and it definitely has. I feel like I have done well by these things, however I am not feeling okay at all. Every day I don't want to leave bed, I don't want to get dressed, and I don't want to work. I have had 3 different jobs in the past 9 months because I keep quitting. My partner is being as supportive as he can but I am racked with guilt that he goes to work every day and I just stay home. But I can't bring myself to leave the house. I stay home and I shut all the curtains, only going outside to walk my dog and smoke a cigarette. I don't want anyone to see me. When people knock on my door I pretend I'm not there. I hide in my bathroom. I will try and force myself to go to social events, like going to concerts and hanging out with friends, but I get there and I just hate it. I just want to go home and lay in bed. And I am feeling a lot of guilt and stress about my partner. He is so great and understanding and I don't want to loose him. But I just keep thinking that he is going to leave me, that he doesn't love me. Why would he? All I do is sit around all day. I have no hobbies, no interest, no motivation. I don't see why he would still love me. If I were him, I wouldn't. I try so hard to push myself to do things, even if its something small like doing the dishes while he's at work. He keeps telling me that he still loves me, that he supports me in what I want to do, that he will help me as much as he can, but I don't believe him. I just feel guily and embarrassed all the time, regardless of if I exersize that day or eat well that day. I don't know what to do. I don't want to take my medication again, because I feel like I need to try other options before resorting to it. But I think maybe I need another source of help, because what I'm doing is not cutting it right now. I also am scared to tell my friends / partner that I want to go back on them. I'm afraid they will think I'm making too big of a deal out of things. Thank you for reading and I look forward to your input.

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

In life, there will be stress and challenges that make it seem difficult to...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio