Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
brightPlum3921
1,018 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 17 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceJuly 12, 2016
Bio
Recent forum posts
brightPlum3921 profile picture
I think I might have BED
Eating Disorder Support / by brightPlum3921
Last post
 May 15th, 2017
...See more I have always struggled with my eating and now I just keep eating until i make myself want to be sick/ I dont usually make myself be sick but I have eten so much I could explode and now I want to eat more. Feeling so low and alone.
brightPlum3921 profile picture
I think I have this - don't know what to do
Eating Disorder Support / by brightPlum3921
Last post
 August 14th, 2016
...See more I have all the symptoms of this and emotional over eating disorder (Neither of which I realised were actual eating disorders until this weekend). I don't know if I need to see my gp or not. I currently have a counsellor and I have talked a little about my disordered eating habits but is that enough? I also don't feel I can tell my husband and I'm feeling so alone with it. I feel like if it had been anorexia or bullemia it would be different as they are well known. I had a panic attack today going to the shops because I had already decided I wasn't going to binge. Then I had a panic attack because I didn't. I feel so messed up. Help!
brightPlum3921 profile picture
Traumatic experience with a Therapist.
Trauma Support / by brightPlum3921
Last post
 August 6th, 2016
...See more My current counsellor told me today that my experience with a previous T was traumatic, but I couldn't believe her. I wrote the story out for her and when I had finished, she just said 'Wow'. 'That was awful. That was awful.' And she didn't have words for it. I wasn't expecting her response to it. I still don't know how to feel about it. It just doesn't feel that bad. I hope it is ok if I post here what I told her, I am just not connecting my story to her reaction. I need some opinions if that's ok: Warning - it contains references to sexual assault, ab*se and r@pe. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time, there was a little girl and she was hurt badly, in lots of different ways by lots of different people. She continued to be hurt as she grew up, even until she was adult. She looked for help and found people who could help her, but they could never help her enough. Until the time she found a place who ticked all the boxes and she thought, at last, they could help her heal. She went to the assessment and she had to fill in a questionnaire of all the ways she had been hurt and the medical conditions associated with it. The lady told her the names of what had happened to her and they were painful, and the girl wasnt sure she could believe it. Wasnt sure she wanted to believe it. But they gave her someone to talk to, someone to help. Someone called Joe. The first week she saw Joe, she noticed he wasnt as she expected him to be. She was a little uneasy with that. It was the normal first session but she didnt mention her abuse. Any of it. They stayed in their boxes with the lid firmly shut. They felt like an elephant in the room though. They both knew they were there but didnt talk about it. The next week, some of the boxes were opened. The ones that she knew about and could open. There were some she couldnt open and some she hadnt come to realise existed. It was a forced situation and she felt rushed into making those decisions to tell. But he responded well. He told her if he was her father he would hug her. She was ok with that. She had had someone tell her that before. Things were hard at times, she couldnt speak and he would tell her it was ok, she could take all the time in the world. She cried and sobbed but that was ok too. And when things were hard, he gave her strategies to say things. But things changed. She doesnt know why, but they did. He said he would see if he could get her two sessions a week or a longer session but then never followed up on that. The girl didnt ask either. One session, the girl was putting cream on her skin and he asked to touch it. She didnt think much of it and let him. At the time, it seemed innocent enough. Now though, she wonders if he was testing her. To see if she would react, or flinch. She didnt. Then when she was struggling to read something out, he told her no. She couldnt say no. And he stood and blocked the door, wouldnt let her leave. So she read out what she was struggling with. Was he testing her this time? Was he trying to get a reaction? Then there was the one that did get a reaction. The one when asked, he said he did it on purpose. The one which she wrote a letter to him about but couldnt read all of it. There were other changes too. The times he dismissed her experiences, and judged her for things. Told her he didnt know why she was so hung up on it. It was a mistake. It happened years ago. Forget it. Well she obviously couldnt forget it if she was still bringing it up now. Or the times that he laughed. When she tried to express her shame over stealing as a child. How it was a bad thing to her. It was. She was brought up to be a good, honest, girl. Admitting this shattered the illusion of the good girl she was. It made her bad. It was big to her. But he made her feel like it was tiny, insignificant, not worth discussing. Yet she didnt stop seeing him. She couldnt stop seeing him. She knew he was bad when he issued her with an ultimatum. Stop disassociating in sessions and be more present, otherwise sessions have to stop. He gave her six weeks. He told her to stop writing things down and that she had to talk. He had changed. He said he was doing this to help her but gave her no grounding techniques. The issues of alters came up around this time. He wouldnt talk to them. She couldnt bring them to session. If she mentioned a ‘part, the subject was changed. The girl realised she had to take the plunge and end this, as either she did or he was going to. She wasnt sure shed get any other support if he did. She would be left alone and abandoned again. She was afraid of this but she knew that he was no good for her anymore. She had one last session but she knew that she had to end it, and so did he. She felt like she was pushed into a corner and had no choice but to end it. And it left her broken. She had never ended a relationship before. She had never experienced any sort of long term breakup that had ended as badly as this. It hurt. A lot more than she realised. She has a new person to talk to now. Someone completely different. But she cant get passed what he did to her. She feels like it wasnt bad. He didnt physically hurt her. She wasnt afraid or scared or traumatised at the time. So how can she be now? How can something like a T ending cause a trauma? She doesnt understand.
Search more from @brightPlum3921
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
12 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out First Compassion Bundled Group Friend Strong Bond I
Report an issue
Talk to a licensed therapist Wherever you are, whenever you need support. Get matched
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started