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My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and a few weeks ago he broke up with me while I was on vacation because someone told him and his family that I had been talking badly about them. He refused to talk to me for a few days, but eventually we started texting again, and when I got home we talked everything through and got back together. We both realized that if we had communicated better, the breakup probably never would have happened, and he has told me that he believes me and doesn't think I would say those things about his family. I have also realized that I became very dependent on him after we spent basically every day together for the past three months, including working together and me staying at his house. I was also going through a really bad period mentally around the time of the breakup and wasn't coping with it well. I became extremely anxious about him cheating even though he hasn't cheated and I don't actually believe he would, and I know constantly asking him for reassurance probably put pressure on our relationship. Since getting back together, he has been very reassuring and keeps telling me that breaking up with me was a mistake, but I'm still constantly scared that it will happen again.
The biggest problem now is his family. His mom and sister currently hate me because a girl told them that I said his sister "gets around" and that I was spreading rumors about their family, which I genuinely did not say or do. The situation originally started because this girl came to me after someone from work said my boyfriend's sister might have been flirting with or interested in her fiancé. She asked me about it, and I told her that his sister has a naturally flirtatious personality, so I wouldn't be surprised if something she did had been interpreted that way. It eventually turned out that they were talking about a completely different guy with the same name. The girl felt bad about the misunderstanding and asked me for his sister's number because she wanted to get to know her without listening to rumors, so I gave it to her. Somehow after that, the story turned into me supposedly saying horrible things about his sister and family. His mom says she doesn't believe me because I'm the only person who has a reason to lie, but I feel like if she had asked me when this first happened, I would have told her exactly what I'm saying now. She says I need to prove through my actions that I didn't do it, but I don't know how I'm supposed to prove something I never did when they're actively avoiding me and I'm not allowed at their house.
I also know I haven't handled every situation with his family perfectly. Before all of this, his sister was upset with me about something where I actually was in the wrong. I became frustrated because she was talking to my boyfriend about it instead of coming directly to me, and instead of handling it calmly, I blew up at her over text. I apologized afterward for what I originally did and for the way I reacted, and I've felt horrible about it ever since. I understand why that situation may have affected how they see me, but it's frustrating feeling like a mistake I actually took responsibility for is now being used to make something I didn't do seem believable.
His mom won't allow me at their house anymore, and my parents currently refuse to meet my boyfriend, so we don't even have somewhere we can simply relax and spend time together like we used to. After being together for two years and being so involved in each other's lives, it's been a huge and sudden change. I don't understand why they're taking the word of someone who only came into contact with them through me in the first place. I keep thinking that if I really wanted to spread rumors or convince this girl that his sister "gets around," why would I have given her his sister's number so they could talk directly? I want to repair things with his family and take responsibility for the things I actually did wrong, but I don't know how to prove that I didn't say something when nobody is willing to hear my side.
One of my biggest fears now is that eventually this situation is going to reach a point where my boyfriend feels like he has to choose between me and his family. I don't want that at all, and either outcome would make me feel awful. If he chose his family and ended our two-year relationship because of something I didn't even do, I would be heartbroken. But if he chose me and it damaged or destroyed his relationship with his mom or sister, I would feel incredibly guilty knowing that he lost part of his family because of his relationship with me. I don't want to be the reason he's put in that position in the first place. I love him and want our relationship to work, but I also don't want him to lose his family because of me. I just wish there was a way for his family to hear me out and eventually move forward instead of making him feel stuck in the middle.
On top of everything, I'm struggling with a lot of anxiety that I'm going to lose him again even though he has been doing everything he can to reassure me that he isn't going anywhere. After being together for two years, having him suddenly end things once made me feel like it could happen again at any moment, even though logically I know that isn't what he's telling me. I feel like I'm trying to fix something that I can't actually fix on my own, and I don't know how to stop being scared about our relationship while also dealing with the fact that his family currently wants nothing to do with me. I don't know whether I should keep trying to prove myself to them, give them space and hope things get better with time, or accept that they may never believe me.
Any advice?
