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broimtiredlol
1 175 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceSeptember 11, 2021
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Fear/hatred of men
Anxiety Support / by broimtiredlol
Last post
 November 2nd, 2021
...See more Within the past 1-2 years, ive started to develop this intense dislike toward men. I can't tell at this point if im afraid of them or if i just am starting to hate them... Its not all of them... But time and time again ive been in a circumstance where ive thought "oh this guy isnt so bad" and then shortly after, i am proven wrong. I kind of feel hopeless bc I keep seeing the atrocities that some men perform and i feel like i cant do anything about it. Rn i am just disgusted by and cant stand men. They make me anxious and angry for no reason. Idk whats wrong with me but i cant seem to get this under control.
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I wish i had a friend to lean on
Journals & Diaries / by broimtiredlol
Last post
 October 10th, 2021
...See more I wish i had someone by my side right now. I feel like ive been going alone for so long. Usually im alright with that because its hard for me to spend a lot of time with ppl and i need breaks. But lately the loneliness has been weighing me down a lot. I feel like i dont have anyone to go to with failure or successes and i kind of just want someone to hold my hand or give me a hug or something right now. Im not doing too well i dont really know what to do.
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Jealousy... Feedback wanted
Relationship Stress / by broimtiredlol
Last post
 October 10th, 2021
...See more Im 22 and ive never been in a romantic relationship. Recently, regretfully, ive developed feelings for someone I work with. Ive been trying to keep interactions with him normal so nothing is weird but i cant help getting butterflies when i see him or when he even looks at me. Ive been trying ro keep myself in check but it just hasnt been working. I just heard a rumor that he has been wanting to ask out one of our regular customers that come in (i work at a cafe) and i cant blame him. She gorgeous in every way. I couldn't stop myself and ended up finding her on socials and naturally, shes more amazing than i am in every way. She physically beautiful but she also seems to be mentally beatiful. Shes a mindset coach and uplifts women to be their best and promotes self love. The thing that got me is that i saw that she has taken up thai boxing as well. (I also do that). Im definitely jealous of her and i dont want to be. She seems like a wonderful person and i dont want to feel any kind of negative emotions toward her or my coworker. I think im just in a sticky situation. I feel emotions really intensely so its been really hard for me and im not really sure what i should do. Id love it if people could give me some advice on how to handle this. Its really just an internal problem.
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I hate being percieved.
Journals & Diaries / by broimtiredlol
Last post
 November 3rd, 2021
...See more I honestly feel like i regret almost every interaction ive had w everyone cause i always feel like im too rowdy and annoying and difficult to deal with. Idk if this is true or not. I always feel like people interact with my out of necessity or befriend me out of pity or politness. I feel like i cant trust anyones intentions to be truthful or kind. Ik this stuff is all in my head but it absolutely kills me inside and i wish i didnt feel this way. I wish i could enjoy life like normal and not stress out over how i imagine i am percieved. I hate who i am and i wish i could be someone else or just cease being at all. The internal battle im constantly fighting is so exhausting and i wish one side would win already.
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Vent: Feeling unheard
Journals & Diaries / by broimtiredlol
Last post
 October 16th, 2021
...See more I tend to overanalyze everything I do. I feel like there has to be a reason why I feel and behave and think the ways I do. Lately I've been obsessing over the idea that i might have adhd. Everything points to it but I don't really wanna go to a doc for it or Anything. Idk y tbh. Other news. I've been wondering why I have a hard time asking for things and requesting help esp at work. I fear that ppl will get mad at me so I'm terrified to do it. I wonder it it has to do with my upbringing bc my dad has ever issues abd I vaguely remember this being an issue. Her always b mad abt something I brought it up to my fam in casual convo abd they shrugged it off as insecurity which, yeah sure. But also have u considered ur own actions? No of course not. But also I cant expect ppl to read my mind all the time u kno. Anyway. That's all for today folks.
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Smowball diary entry
Journals & Diaries / by broimtiredlol
Last post
 October 5th, 2021
...See more Hi again. Im back for another snowball diary entry ig. (Possible trigger warning toward the end?) Still stuck on this dumb crush. Really feeling the title "crush" by now. God i feel so annoying all the time. I feel like i dont have any control over myself when im around anybody. im rowdy and loud and dont know how to filter and i worry that it annoys people. I want to make ppl laugh and i wanna feel relatable but has that gotten old yet? Ya know? Anyways.. im realizing that I'm growing increasingly uncomfortable around men and im not sure why. Sure theres a fair share of men who r just plain creepy and would make anyone wanna stay away, but its expanding to ppl who seem relatively harmless.. I should be talking to a therapist about my problems but i dont think i want to. I tried going to one once and i hated it. I felt fake i think. I felt like I was making up scenarios and then i felt like i had to lie that i was feeling better so the therapist would feel successful and i wouldnt b put in a hospital. Im a hypochondriac so in my head ive got every disorder and syndrome under the sun but honestly its prob just anxiety and adhd or something. Maybe a sprinkle of bpd idk prob not. I wont kno unless i get diagnosed but i wont do it. I swear i like to romanticize my life into some stupid drama. I think im cute or something being moody and irritable. Its whatever though. I wish i could just peace out u kno. Not by my own hand tho i couod never. But like.. Idk.. Someone poisons my food or something. Get rid of me already. Anyways. Hope ur all having a good day ttyl.
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The future terrifies me
Journals & Diaries / by broimtiredlol
Last post
 September 19th, 2021
...See more I went to school for fine art and I can't help feeling like that was an awful idea. Idk what I want to do and everyone around me and those i grew up with seem to all be on their career parts to a successful future. I'm stuck at home working in a cafe not even knowing what I want to do next. Even my art school mates are on their way to continue with what they went to school for. Anytime ppl ask me about what im doing, i feel so embarrassed as I say "I don't know" and later ill return to indeed, scavenging for an art related job. Mayb I'm too picky, mayb im too unqualified. Idk. But realizing where im at and how I dont know what im doing really hurts abd is leaving me feeding so hopeless that i sometimes wish I didn't even need to worry abt a future. Mayb someday I'll get it together, but mayb ill just b stuck in my parents basement for the rest of my life who knows.
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