bugburial Member Profile

...See more Hi, I'm new to this app and I'm not entirely sure how to use it yet but I'm reaching the end of my rope with my mental health lately so I figured any sort of place to vent is as good as any. In just a little under two weeks I will be moving in with my boyfriend out of state and while I'm excited for this new chapter in my life, I'm finding it excruciatingly difficult to let go of my life where it is now. I have never been happy in my current living situation, and it's been more difficult to deal with because of moving, my mother who was never the worst mother but also far from helpful has started to let me know how she feels about me moving while I'm already experiencing deep stress from the thought of it. She has told me she feels like I'm running away from her and that she's sorry for the childhood I had growing up. She's apologized for taking her stress and anger out on me, and apologized for not knowing how to express emotions towards me like "a normal mother" (her words, not mine) because of the way her mother raised her. I don't know how to feel about any of this, but it definitely isn't helping my mental state right now. I feel incredibly alone and scared of this new change in my life, terrified enough to only being able to invision how badly it can turn out. I can't tell if my boyfriend has been being distant with me lately because he's preparing the trip and our apartment or if I'm going to get dumped before I even get the chance to meet him and it terrifies me. I have cried three times a day for the past month and that is not an exaggeration. I don't know what to do to calm my frayed nerves over this, and the more stressed I get, the crazier I feel about my boyfriend. I don't think it's fair to him, but I'm? terrified of asking for any more reassurance than I already have this month. I trust him but my personality disorder makes it difficult to convince myself of that in the moment. idk what else to type. I am looking for a listener, or anyone who has any words to give that could help at all. I'm tired of sobbing over this, I only have a little while to go before I'm in our new apartment but I'm still so terrified of all the ways it could go wrong before then. And my mom is not helping.

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