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burntOutDonut
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 15, 2022
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Was the cheater in a happy relationship
Relationship Stress / by burntOutDonut
Last post
 October 16th, 2022
...See more I know right, I know what everyone says. Why would I (M31) cheat if I was in a happy relationship 6 years about to be married to (F32). It was something I never saw coming. I know it was my choice to be unfaithful. But it didn't start that way. My affair lasted 7 horrible months, it was with a coworker and it even put my job on the line. At first it was the casual work place flirting, but then things quickly got out of hand. To hanging out outside of work without my SO knowing. Then the first kiss happened. It shouldn't have happened we were joking around making fun of one and other. Then out lips met. I was so uncomfortable about it. The other person didn't seem to mind even tho they knew I was in a committed relationship and was going to be married in a few months. They just seem to brush it off like oops. So I avoided that person for a little bit but I was terrified to talk to my significant other and started pushing it down. How do I explain other that I may have kissed another woman because I was unsure if I initiated or not. When I approached my coworker about it a few weeks later she kind of brushed off like it was no big deal. She's pretty much said if I didn't want it to happen it was my choice. I hear that a lot it was my choice my decisions to make all that and yes I'm not denying it was my decisions I didn't know how to cope properly. Then I started to confide in my coworker about my feelings was going on and she seemed to accept everything about me. She seemed to understand why I was nervous about getting married and kind of hit it well if you're that nervous why you getting married. I was so vulnerable and so naive I did not see what this person was doing to me. This person was conditioning me to be theirs and slowly work me over so I would go to them over and over. Because I was doing something wrong I could no longer face my significant other every time we talk about love or passion I feel so much guilt into myself I would just get angry and snap all the time and I would be hurting my relationship and not realizing I was the one causing issues. Since I didn't realize I wasn't causing issues I portrayed the blame under her and made her believe she was the issue. So then my home life was terrible work was okay I was still inviting into this co-worker when she made the idea why don't you come over and we'll talk. I know I shouldn't have gone over but I did. One thing led to another and we end up sleeping together. This was on and off mostly on over the course of 8 months. I was so blinded from what I was doing and so conditioned to try and keep my lover Happy that I destroyed my life entirely but my job in jeopardy. Hurt the only woman who's actually generally loved me scratch that didn't hurt her I destroyed her I feel guilty about it everyday. I am leaving out a lot of details cuz I'm not comfortable still to this day discussing it as I'm still trying to work through it myself. But what I will say I still live with my ex-fiance we are trying to be best friends she's already seeing somebody else I'm supporting her the best I can. But I am dying inside because I know I threw in my life for something that wasn't real. That I was conditioned to believe was the only thing that was real. I know was my choices that led me to this path in life and I regret it all. Thank you for letting me vent
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