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calmCup1821
1 971 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 31 Compassion hearts34 Forum posts47 Forum upvotes71 Current upvotes71 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2016 Member sinceAugust 2, 2015
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My depression is destroying my friendships
Depression Support / by calmCup1821
Last post
 September 14th, 2015
...See more I started talking to my friends less because I realised I had nothing to talk to them about. All I could do is complain about the current stresses in my life (my sister, school, etc.). I don't watch the shows they do and I don't do anything of interest to them. Every time I try talking about something I like, I feel like I'm annoying them. I feel awkward, as if I'm a nuisance who's just interfering with their fun conversations. When they talk it doesn't feel right to join in. I struggle to even open my mouth. Most of the time I don't even know what they're talking about. It could be about something I know nothing about, or I might've just zoned out and lost myself during their happy chatter. They sound happy, I feel miserable. It's not their fault, it's mine. It's me who's put distance between us. My friends used to be the only reason I found school worthwhile. Now, there's nothing to keep me going there. Being with them has become too painful. I love them. But it hurts to be with them. And they have absolutely no idea... I'm going to end up all alone. edited by Rain45 Moved to Depression Community due to Forum re-organisation
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I'm desperate for help
Depression Support / by calmCup1821
Last post
 September 9th, 2015
...See more For a long time I've silently struggled with depression. I've wanted help for a long time too but have always been held back by fear. I'm terrified but desperate here. Things are only ever getting worse. Every day feels more miserable, I've fallen behind in school and recently decided to quit. I'm in grade 12 of high school and decided to do this for the sake of my mental health, but now I'm doubting myself and my future life. It's currently not too late. The school's reluctant to just let me quit, but I don't know what to do. I can't simply go back just to "stick it out". I'm know that if I do, my depression (and suicidal thoughts) will just get worse. I need support, persuasion. Can anyone help convince me to get professional help?
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A terrible day. I feel like I'm going to break. NEED HELP.
Depression Support / by calmCup1821
Last post
 August 25th, 2015
...See more So I have been really struggling these past 2 weeks with depression (for more info, check out my first forum thread here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/DepressionSupportCommunity_52/Depression_30/Ijustdontwhattodoanymore_28111/). Anyways, today I went to school for the first time in a whole week. Recently, I'd been avoiding school due to the assignments I'm currently drowning in (It feels almost impossible just to get started on one. I have no problems with the work given so I blame my depression for it). I missed an exam yesterday and my teacher wanted an acceptable excuse for my absence. I simply told her that I was going through some "personal stuff at home" and she got really concerned. Turns out she's very worried about me; and she's not the only one. She told me she's talked to two other teachers (my English teacher and the Yr 12 head coordinator) and they are all worried about me and want to know what's going on. I began to feel cornered, as if I was being interrogated, and my teacher looked even more concerned because she could obviously tell I was getting more and more upset (honestly, I was fighting back tears!). She told me that she wanted me to talk to one of the school guidance counsellors, then went on about how worried she and the other teachers are, how my last year's almost finished, etc. I felt pressured and told her that if she really felt it necessary, I'd go see one of them (didn't know what else to say but I had to say something). Straight away, she said she was going to book an appointment for me and that they'll chase me up about it tomorrow at school. I'm freaking out! They want to know what's going on, I'm a terrible liar, and I'm so weak that I start tearing up at just the thought of telling someone about my depression. On the bus home I felt a few people staring at me (at that point I was tearing up). I tried my hardest to hold it off until I got home but the first tear literally dropped 10-20secs before the bus dropped me off at my stop. At home (where I was alone thank god) I cried and screamed. I cleaned myself up as best and as quickly as I could. However, when my younger sister got home (only 5mins later than me), she could tell I had been crying and kept asking what was wrong. I stayed strong - told her I wasn't crying and tried to seem happy - but she wasn't persuaded. I'm so scared. Everyone's breaking down my walls and I don't know what to do. If they find out, no doubt, I will feel victimised by my teachers. What am I supposed to do tomorrow? Again, sorry for the length of this post.
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I just don't what to do anymore.
Depression Support / by calmCup1821
Last post
 December 25th, 2015
...See more I'm 17 and have had depression for 4 years. During those 4 years, I've kept this secret as well as I possibly can due to my fears of being misjudged and misunderstood. Therefore, none of family nor friends nor anyone around me knows how much I'm suffering. For the past 2 weeks, my depression has felt nearly unbearable. As a fairly introverted person normally, I shut myself away in my room whenever possible. I'm constantly tired, out of energy, and I feel like I've lost the will to do anything - including doing some of the things I love. Naturally, my lack of will is really affecting my schoolwork. I'm currently in Term 3 of Grade 12 and just recently told my English teacher that I didn't have an assignment to hand in. So far, that's my 4th incomplete assignment this year. Tomorrow will be my 5th. Without the motivation, my lack of effort is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety around school and the future. I've felt like crying every single day and am beginning to struggle with not doing so in front of others (I'm afraid a few people may have already noticed me looking a bit teary-eyed). Whenever I get the privacy to, I do cry most of the time and it always makes me feel worse. I often have suicidal thoughts (almost daily) which are accompanied by other thoughts of hopelessness and self-hate. Earlier this week, I had seriously planned to commit suicide. I'll spare the details: I researched online, prepared everything, and hesitated at the very last second before realising once again that I couldn't do it. For the next hour, while I still had full privacy, I sobbed uncontrollably. I've also been blaming myself for being weak ever since (which I did all the time before anyways). I just don't know what to do anymore. I think I want to die - but I get scared and never follow through. I always think, "What if I change my mind when it's too late?" and "What if it's a failed attempt?" and I am always consumed by guilt when I think about my loved ones. Sometimes I think I want to get help - but again I get scared and back out of telling someone how I really feel. I feel so miserable, alone and stuck all the time that I can hardly believe things will supposedly get better. I can't bring myself to commit suicide, but I can't stand living this way. All I want to do is stay in my room but that's impossible for me to do - I can't do that to my Mum. There is no happiness in my life, only pain. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry for this post being so long.
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