calmMaple128 Member Profile

...See more Hi, I'm not sure how to understand my emotions lately, or lack therof. This place, 7 cups of tea, was the only place I could think of where I could get support or guidance. A little background on my situation - I'm married and my wife and I got married after knowing each other only a year. Our first year of marriage has been a downward slope. My wife was physically and verbally abused in her previous relationship. She has never properly dealt with those feelings and anger and it's been raining down on my for about 8-9 months now. She said she didn't think that her previous abusive situation would affect her future and cause her to be this angry and out of control. She suffers from serious anxiety and depression. She has become very destructive, to herself and to me. For a long time, almost every single day, she questions me about my sexual past. In the beginning of our relationship I was happy to be open and honest about my past, until I learned of her deep insecurities. Now she just interrogates me daily and says extremely hurtful things. She has also been a little physical for a while. I can't talk to anyone (friends, family) about this because no one would understand that it is her abusive past that is causing her to act this way and I know, in her core, she is a good person with a lot of potential. We haven't been intimate with each other in months. I stopped being intimate because my sex drive began disappearing. My empathy for her feelings began disappearing. I believe it's because of how terrible she has made me feel. I still love her and I want for us to get better, get back to how we were. I go through my days focusing only on whatever task I'm doing, I'm not thinking about how she could be feeling. The only time when I get upset by how she is feeling because of my distance is when she is sobbing right in front me, then it hits me that my distance (caused by her actions toward me) is tearing us up even more. I feel a loss of emotion and I can't explain this to myself or to my wife. I don't understand it. I feel like a blob. If anyone has any experience with this kind of feeling or situation, please enlighten me. Thank you for listening.

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