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cami123
153 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceAugust 26, 2014
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I don't know what to do I feel too bad
Depression Support / by cami123
Last post
 April 11th, 2023
...See more Hi, since yesterday I started chatting with a listener and it helped me to keep my mind away for some hours, but I really don't know how to go on, I feel too bad, I feel that there's no hope, no future, that life sucks and that nothing good will come, I don't know how to live with this pain i have in my chest. I cry from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. The only peaceful time is when I dream that things are fixed, then I wake up to reality and start my crying cycle again. I'm 25 years old. My fiancé broke up with me a relationship of 4 years, we were going to move together in October. After 3 years of relationship I quitted my job and moved from a country in South America to a city in Germany (it was a mixture of LDR and living together for many months, we lived together more time than we were separated). I have ben here for a year and exactly after one year she breaks up with me, she says she has feelings for somebody else. She is right now in her parent's city, 7 hours away from here, where the guy that makes her feel "butterflies in the stomach" is. Her birthday is on sunday, I still have the tickets to go there. In the past months things were not so good due to many stressful situations we had with her moving out of her place, me dealing with many exams and detailed planning of a trip for my family to europe. But when she took the train to her family's city we were ok with each other, then she just calls me after some days where there was a party and she met with this guy again, and tells me that she has feelings for him, and that since it's not fair with me she decided it was best to dump me. I have made life changing decisions for her. I feel trapped in this country because I have no friends here, I don't speak well the language, I have no family here, she was my only family. I feel lost and desperate, I don't know how to go on. I can't help but call her every day and all I hear is rejection. She tells me to "leave her the fuck alone". As I said I still have the tickets to go to her city for her birthday and I'm planning to just appear there that day. It will probably be the end of everything, but I miss her so much I just need to see her pretty face again. I feel I deserve more than a break up over the phone.... I have had suicidal thoughts. I have researched on suicidal methods. But I don't think I will commit suicide. I am a single son and I don't want to make my parents suffer. They don't deserve that. They have lived literally their whole lives for me. Doing something like that would be to do something worse than what my ex fiance did. I feel abandoned, left behind, I feel alone, I am in a foreign country and have nobody, I left everything for her. I need my only friend (her) to hug me and tell me everything will be ok, that we will work things out, but that sadly only happens in my dreams. I feel lost. I don't know why I'm writing here, I feel that this doesn't really help. I don't believe in god but I have been begging him every day to give me another chance with her. I am so desperate. I need help... I need her. I miss her too much. My life is gone with her. How will writing this here help??? It makes no sense
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