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carefulComputer256
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceNovember 18, 2025
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In a relationship with someone going through a divorce, insecurities advice?
Relationship Stress / by carefulComputer256
Last post
 November 18th, 2025
...See more Hi everyone, I'll try and keep this short and sweet. I have re-connected with someone over the last few months (we've known each other years) and we have been dating for a few months now. It is going great and I am overall extremely happy.  She's currently going through a divorce and she still lives with her husband and their child. Although they're hoping to have the house sold soon so they can fully move on.  I've met her child many times now and we are getting on pretty well, but I find with this new-found experience I'm finding myself gaining insecurities.  I can't get my head around the fact that she has married and started a family with someone else, but now she has zero feelings for her (ex) husband I am told. I feel like I'm constantly comparing myself to him and struggle to accept that there is no connection between them apart from the child they share. Like I'm in some imaginary competition to be better than he was and a constant desire to try and prove I'm good enough.  Then the other insecurities pop in, if we were to get married, or have children one day, would it be as special for her as it is for me because she's been there and done that already with someone else? I worry that all of my "firsts" will be seconds for her and therefore not have as much meaning to her as it does to me.  She has done or said nothing to make me feel this way by the way, she has been nothing but supportive and understanding and I hate that I can't shake these insecurities, I know most of them are completely irrational but my brain just struggles to make sense of it all. My previous relationship lasted nearly a decade and I was constantly belittled and made to feel small so no doubt this feeling of not being good enough in a new relationship stems from that, and being with someone who has done it all already only increases my fear of not being able to compare to a previous relationship that went so far, even if it has already ended. I am going to therapy and that is helping, but I have no friends or family that have ever been through something like this or experienced anything close to what I am feeling. I'm just hoping that there may be someone here who has had a similar experience to me and felt the things I have, in a judgement free zone, and be able to give me some advice on how you dealt with it? My therapist can try and empathise, but they haven't first-hand had this either.  I am fully aware that this is completely my own insecurities, but I also know I surely can't be the only person out there that has been through something like this and I'm really hoping there is someone here who can understand and share what helped them? Right now I feel really alone in my thoughts and I'm trying to find someone who may understand me.  I've got a really good thing going on here and I'm trying my best, I just don't want my own head to ruin it all. Thank you in advance.
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