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casiopea3199
14,108 M Pacing Forward 10
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts522 Forum posts52 Forum upvotes66 Current upvotes66 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2024 Member sinceMay 6, 2018
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How to feel worthy of love when you are amxious
Relationship Stress / by casiopea3199
Last post
 September 16th, 2022
...See more I am very anxious and sometimes struggle to do things that are spontaneous, dont follow social norms, or that break my personal patterns. I'm working on getting better, but when I am dealing with outside stressors or feeling busy or overwhelmed, this can get eat worse. My partner has been the absolute best at dealing with all this and loving my weird brain whole still pushing me to improve. The only issue is whenever I slip up or feel anxious, I feel so so guilty and bad that l feel like he must hate me. I feel like it must not be good to take care of my sad, scared self, it can't feel nice when I snap or get angry when I l can't control my anxiety. It is so hard to feel like I can be loved. And I've talked with him about it, and he says he loves me just the way I am. So rationally I know the fear must be in my head. What have people who experience mental illness done to feel more worthy of their partner's love and support?
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social anxiety and relationships sucks
Anxiety Support / by casiopea3199
Last post
 March 29th, 2022
...See more I have always been nervous when it comes to friendships and relationships. Mostly I'm extremely terrified of confrontation and disagreement so I tend to make really irrational decisions. I'm dating someone new and its going really well so far. But i'm so scared i'm going to ruin it with my stupid anxiety brain. Example time: I had a weird anxiety thing yesterday when I went over to see him and I feel awkward and guilty about it. I had already had a day with a lot of things that kind of made me anxious, which probably didn't help. Essentially we were going to get together but he felt under the weather, I showed up and didn't realize it. He said I could stay and he wanted me to be there but he wouldn't be as exciting, fun, etc. I said I didn't mind. But the more he brought it up the more it felt like he would be upset if I stayed or he needed space, so he gave me space to make a decision and I left even though I wanted to stay because I didn't want him to be upset with me or think i'm intruding. Then in talking to him he was like "i wanted you to stay but i respect your decision anyway" and I was like well shit, I really wanted to stay, but I got so nervous that you would hate me if I stayed that I left?? We live nearby so i came back, and he said he felt bad because he didn't want me to feel pressured into coming over, but he didn't pressure me at all? I just way overthought the decision I wanted to make initially. and made the wrong one. which I do, a lot. I told him this and it was fine, he seemed like he understood, but I know I made it really weird. it makes zero sense, like why not go with my gut and make the choice i want to make? Especially when it really doesn't matter? but my brain makes zero sense when it comes to social situations and I always overanalyze what the other person s thinking . I'm super, super afraid of making decisions that are going to upset people, especially people I really like being around, so I make really irrational choices sometimes. I'm so worried I'm going to keep doing stupid shit like this and fuck this up. I always have a million things i want to say and do with him, but i'm so afraid of saying something dumb that i just clam up even though i rationally know (and he's literally told me) he won't judge me. I don't want to make him nervous or think that something is wrong or that he's hurt me in some way because of my anxiety preventing me from talking and acting like my normal self around him. He knows I struggle with this and I try to communicate it and he is very kind and patient but I don't want to keep feeling this way, If anyone has tips on how to feel less anxious about making wrong choices, or offending partners, or scaring them, these sorts of things I worry about in relationships, please let me know. I know it probably only comes with practice and with good partners, but things to help in the short term would be nice. I need to regain some confidence and feel like I can be assertive and make choices without being "bad" somehow.
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Bullying and anxiety about being vulnerable/authentic
Trauma Support / by casiopea3199
Last post
 June 5th, 2024
...See more I went through a pretty traumatic bullying experience around ten. I had a best friend who I loved and trusted more than anything who started telling me I was disgusting, a monster, evil, that I deserved to d ie, and telling this to my other friends too, then turning around and acting like it never happened or she was sorry, then it starting all over again. It continued for a year and a half until she left, and moved without an apology. My parents had me in counseling that young because I was so afraid of making new friends and meeting other people I just didn't speak. When I did get enough confidence to do that, I would get very excited about my friends, want to talk to them all the time, fixate on certain interests of mine and talk about them a lot. I think it annoyed people or wore on them somehow. So the friends I did make would often snap at me. They would tell me to shut up, that I was obnoxious, annoying, overbearing, Some even continued to tell me to o ff myself, and it was very hurtful. Every time it was when I thought I could trust people with my personal experiences and share with them, but I really couldn't in reality without being criticized or made fun of. I still remember that the guy at our school, who got the superlative for like "nicest person" or whatever told me "this is why no one likes you, you literally never shut up about you stupid class" when I was talking about how much i liked my one course i was in. The nicest person did that, apparently. It was painful. So eventually I think I got to a point where I stopped opening up to people about things I actually enjoyed or wanted to say, because I just assumed they didn't want to hear it. I'm now an adult and a very reserved person with my emotions, and I don't open up much. I'm afraid to tell people what's really on my mind because I don't want to get hurt or judged or attacked again, and because I don't want to come across as someone unlikeable. It scares me to open up to people even if they seem very very safe, especially if they are more outgoing and social people, because they remind me of the people who were so friendly to everyone, but then really cruel to me I guess. I'm afraid because I just have this gut feeling that they can't really be that nice, they must be lying or tricking me and will get angry with the way I am eventually. Are there any tips people have for feeling less afraid of opening up to people, and being authentic and vulnerable, after being hurt specifically for being so outgoing and authentic for so long? I want to change and feel more free to express myself without being so afraid, I'm going into a new romantic relationship and want to be more true to myself this time around and not so scared to be judged all the time, and I also think it will make it easier for me to make friends and build connections.
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Breakup guilt
Relationship Stress / by casiopea3199
Last post
 January 30th, 2022
...See more I had a partner for four years. I was a physical caregiver to him (he had a disability), emotional support, we lived together during the pandemic, and I started realizing I wasn't feeling very happy or fulfilled with him. I would cry while being intimate and not know why. I would try to talk about needing to increase our emotional intimacy and communication. I was bored, tired, and sad, and even after conversations it felt like nothing changed. He also wasn't supportive of my move for school, but gave in eventually. And that was the straw I think that broke it all down, because I didn't feel supported. So I moved and once nothing changed I broke up with him. I stopped communication because I didn't feel it would be worth continuing. I carried a lot of guilt because I was the one who took care of him. I gave so much of my youth to love him and make sure he was okay without thinking of my own dreams and goals because I was trying to do the "right" thing. Fast forward four months and now I'm feeling a lot better. I'm starting to embrace the things I really enjoy, learn what makes me happy, and I'm starting to feel stable enough and secure enough to start another relationship. I'm now talking to one of the coolest people I've ever met. I feel like I genuinely feel love for him, not just obligation, but like, admiration and love for the person he is. It's a very nice feeling. Then I get a letter from my ex. A real handwritten letter. It essentially was a letter saying how miserable he was without me. How he tried to date someone else but he couldn't. How I was killing him inside. How I'm the only person to have ever made him cry by doing this. How he "doesn't miss sex, he just missed me" and how he thought we would get married and buy a house and start a life but I left with "no explanation". It was a really painful thing to read because I don't want him to hurt, but I also know it isn't my obligation to help him with that anymore. I wasn't happy, I couldn't stay. I couldn't sacrifice myself for him anymore. I had told him I didn't think I had loved him for a while, that we'd had conversations about intimacy and how I was struggling, and that things needed to end. I figured that would be the end of it. But now I feel like I've ruined someone's life, like he's so depressed and miserable and it's my fault. I don't want to feel that way, but I just do. And now that I'm talking to someone wonderful, I don't want these feelings to get in the way of being able to develop a new relationship. I guess I need help on getting over the guilt. I feel selfish, but I know I had to do this for myself, and I'm feeling so conflicted and hurt again now.
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I met someone great, but I'm so anxious...
Relationship Stress / by casiopea3199
Last post
 January 28th, 2022
...See more I've been really down since my last breakup. Not because I wanted to be with him anymore, but overall really lonely. I just moved really far internationally for school and covid has things closed down and I've not made many friends yet. I've been struggling quite a bit with my mental health. I met someone very recently, and we've been on three dates so far. I feel like we clicked just instantly, it was like I'd known him for years. It's the first time I've ever felt so good about someone it was literally agonizing. He's so smart, thoughtful, funny, and passionate, I could gush about him all day but I will stop myself. But the problem is, my anxiety keeps telling myself in the back of my head that it's too good to be true. He's the kind of person I've always wanted to date but never have, and I figured I never could. I'm so afraid I'm going to get to know him and he will end up hating me, or I'll do something weird to scare him off. It's a miserable feeling because I really, really like this person, and he's given every indication that he is just as into me. But I keep getting what ifs in my head, like what if I'm undeserving? What if I'm uninteresting? What if he's only pretending to be nice, and leaves me eventually for someone cooler? I've never dated someone I feel like I was genuinely enamored by, like to this extent. I always figured I couldn't or wouldn't. Most if the people I dated weren't very kind to me, or didn't recognize my worth. And now I'm here and I like this person so much, and who seems like he genuinely cares, and who is everything I could ask for in a partner but I'm terrified. I feel like I should open up about it to him just so he knows where my brain is at but I don't know how without it being weird. I just don't want my anxiety to get in the way and ruin this. I need this so badly and I like this person so so much, I don't want my brain to cause me to lose him. I want to know how to stop on these stupid thoughts and just let myself enjoy the moment
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