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cathy789
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceNovember 16, 2021
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This is going to be long
Family & Caregivers / by cathy789
Last post
 November 16th, 2021
...See more Looking for advice on my relationship with my husband. I want to judgements or criticisms. First of all, I've struggled with chronic depression for a very long time, and I'm trying to take steps towards reclaiming my mind, but I feel very unable to talk to him about any of this. My husband has combat related ptsd and a tbi, which lends itself to anger issues. His anger has scared me in the past, and I take a lot of steps to prevent him from raging out. He's gotten better in the years we've been together, he no longer drinks, he's in therapy, he's matured past a lot of his problems, and I'm so happy for him for that. He does his best to support me in everything I do, but I can't tell him any of my own internal struggles. He has no idea the things that go on in my mind, and the few times I'd mentioned feeling blue he reacts as if I'm asking him to have a solution, and it's gotten close to him losing his own hold on his own problems. I get it. I've been a caregiver to him for years, and it can't be easy to think that his caregiver has problems too. He knows I have depression, given the obvious evidence of my suicide attempt in my youth, but I've made it a habit to conceal my feelings, and now I can't break the habit. I'm also having a lot of problems in the bedroom. He's always been very amorous, but the past year I just don't want to. Hes started thinking I'm not attracted to him, which isn't true. It's hard to get aroused anymore, which is just compounding the issue. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has a similar situation, and what's worked for them.
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Hello
Mindfulness Center / by cathy789
Last post
 December 24th, 2021
...See more Hi, new here. I'm trying this out to see if it helps me cope with my chronic depression. I'm unable to rely on my family for support, as they do all their own relying on me. I want to get more into mindfulness, as it really has helped me kind of pull my head out of itself. My problem is that I just can't keep up with it. Mindfulness meditation works for a short time, but soon enough I've slipped back into my crappy brain and it's so hard to try to get back to meditation and observing my thoughts instead of getting sucked into them. Hoping this group can help me find tips to try to make it a habit.
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Need to release
Depression Support / by cathy789
Last post
 November 16th, 2021
...See more I've been living and struggling with depression for 23 or so years now. I feel that maybe if I share some of what's in my head, maybe I'll feel lighter. I've kept my depression hidden from everyone around me, I just though it was normal to feel numb and gray. The only time my family knew was when I had a failed suicide attempt when I was 20. I felt so much shame and guilt that they knew now, that they'd seen that part of me, that I locked myself down even tighter, keeping everything hidden as best I could. It's like I've been living a half life, for my entire life. It was hard to hide the giant scars on my arms, but I found that sleeves and turning my forearms a certain way helps to deflect the attention. I married a man with his own host of problems, combat related ptsd, anger issues, a tendency towards alcoholism, and though I love him, I recognize that it's effectively increased all my own mental health issues. I thought I hid my problems good enough. I thought that no one could tell that my baseline mood was numb, that most days I feel like the most worthless, weak, and pathetic human on the planet, but then I heard my 2 little daughters talking about how "mommy hates herself". I don't want to be that kind of mommy anymore. I want to be a good role model for them, I want to be able to live with myself and enjoy that life, instead of just waiting patiently for death to take me. I've tried meditation and mindfulness, and while it's shown me that I can be healed, that I can change my thought processes, it's still so easy to slide back in to my messed up mind.
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