catlover1213 Member Profile

...See more Hello so to start my current boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and currently moved in together over the summer. We met at college. During the first few months of our relationship my boyfriend and I had lots of ups and downs that I don’t disclose a lot. During college we’d drink a lot and that would cause fights, my boyfriend and I had also made dating profiles behind each other backs or still chatted w people on social media but never actually cheated. I’d say when we hit the one year mark most of the problems settled down until the spring into now. During the spring my bf went to visit his friend and I found out he made a dating profile during this trip because him and his friends were trying to hang out with girls I was so hurt especially because at this time we had signed a lease for our future apartment. He explained that he only did this because all of his friends are single and he did not want to feel left out and if a girl came he would’ve told her he was in a relationship (no girls attended up going as far as I know) but I think this changed my relationship for me because since it hasn’t been the same. I decided to forgive him and look past it mostly because we had signed the lease but if it wasn’t for that I think I would’ve ended it. After moving in together nothing like this has happened since but the transition the first few months had been hard. We didn’t fight a ton but I feel as if there was tension since I constantly was the one doing things for our apt and my bf barely did anything when he comes home. At some point we’ve reached a happy medium and the tension would still pop up but be brushed off by a joke or my bf stepping up more. About a month ago my bf and I went out with some friends and got drunk. We had a great time but as soon as we went home it was as if a switch flipped. When we walked home he took a different turn than me and at first I thought it was a joke and then I realized he was no where to be found. I walked home but didn’t go inside and got worried something happened! I called him over 15 times and he never picked up. I decided to call his mom and BOOM there he comes out of our apartment. Not only did he walk home without me (he claims it was because I was being mean) but he didn’t even answer my calls to let me know. When I got inside he didn’t say much and went to lay down and a few short mins after I went into the room because I wanted to get changed. Turns out he locked the door, for about 10 mins I was knocking on the door, trying to pick the lock and card it but he would not open it up even though it had only been a few mins since he went inside the room. I got so mad I ended up breaking the door down and started to scream and hit him. I was going at him so much that he called the cops on me! When the cops came they said they get drunk calls like this all the time etc and almost thought it was comical but at this point I was hurt. I don’t know why I am still with him but lately it has been giving me anxiety and bothering me a lot. I am also starting to realize after living together for these few months maybe our values don’t line up anymore. I’m a graduate student, with a good job and I’m a very good person and with the fighting drunk incident that happened a month ago I think about how that’s not the person I am. I also think now too that when I met my bf in college I was a different person than I am now, I was a kid and would get drunk or do stupid things and I had a lot less worried in the world but now as an adult I feel as if my boyfriend didn’t mature to my level. I also feel like I’m so ambitious and my bf is that guy who just sits around. Im worried to break up with him because aside from those few instances that have happened on a daily basis our relationship is fine and I do love him. I do also appreciate that he does whatever I want to do, and for sure cares about me. Im just not sure if we match each other anymore and that’s why these bad moments occur. I also feel like I hold a lot of anger towards him from the stuff hes done to me in the past and I also think living with him I cannot stand that he’s not as productive as I am. Don’t get me wrong he has an awesome job and is professional career wise but often I feel like I carry the relationship on my shoulders. I think I’ve also thought about if our values align and about our relationship more lately since the drunk incident with the cops because I always pictured my long term relationship to be different. I think I’m still growing as a person and I’m not sure what I want anymore but it’s tough especially since we live together, I’d hate to move out then regret my decision too. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

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