chanpe207 Member Profile

...See more I've always struggled to motivate myself to do any work and my procrastinating has led me to question things in my life. Recently I've been trying to figure out why that is. Why does doing any homework feel begrudging and impossible to do? What sends me into these endless rabbit holes of thought? I also stumbled across some tumblr posts about the feeling of suddenly realising your existence at random moments and tried to look for an explanation for it. I found this website here -->https://www.theloop.ca/work-weird-moments-existential-dread/ and I realised what I was experiencing was existential dread or just getting way too deep in thought. It sounds pretty obvious now that I think about it but saying that i'm having an 'existential crisis' is usually something I say jokingly. So in my flurry of panic about not being able to finish my homework and worrying about whether I'll ever be able to stop procrasting, I end up taking myself through existential crisis mode about why i'm doing any of this at all. What does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Is this really how I want to live my life and does it all make any difference in the slightest anyway? It's nice to realise how I'm feeling in these moments isn't unnatural but I need a way to stop myself from retreating into my thoughts every time I try to be productive. Even now as I'm writing this, my introspection is drawing me away from finishing my work. Every minute that passes I'm filling myself with more dread about what I have to do that i'm not doing. The only way to cut off these thoughts is to distract myself with social media or a youtube video. I've never seen a therapist before, I've only gone to a counsellor once and that was a brief meeting. For years I've questioned whether I might have anxiety or depression but usually I brush it off and think that my problems aren't that big and I need to deal with them on my own. But these thought processes have been getting worse and much harder to ignore in the last few months, maybe years. I think I need to stop thinking to myself and start asking for other people's opinions on this. I don't know how much it can help me but it would certainly be better than keeping it to myself.

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