charmingBranch7954 Member Profile

...See more Hi everyone, I've been on 7cups for nearly a decade, since my teens. This is my first time posting here, and the first time opening about my life, so please bear with me if you can, this might take a while. I've always been the quiet elder child of the house. Expected to just take it like a man, bear all responsibilities and do as I'm told. Brought up in an abusive household, I could barely ever speak up, let alone stand for myself. I tried to escape that, while also providing for my family, by joining the army at 16. But things didn't go too well there. Due to my soft spoken nature, I was constantly bullied and taken advantage off. And one day, disaster struck when I fell on my back from like 15 feet on training. Everyone was fearing I might not walk again. I did somehow recover, enough to move, walk, and eventually run, but I do have back pain at times. The greatest help with my recovery was my then girlfriend, who I had met online at the age of 17, after coming back home. The internet was a simpler space back then, and not everyone was hiding who they were. We both met at a vulnerable point in our lives, and I had severe doubts if I could ever be loved. But she assured me I did, and we loved each other with utmost passion. Making plans to move in together, get married, have kids. However, that would only last for 7 years, when out of nowhere, she hit me with "I'm sorry, I fell out of love". Without her, I felt lost again. I had lost my anchor. I held on somehow, going back to my old ways and bad habits, chatting with people online since I'm too introverted and don't really socialize irl. I found someone else, went through the same again, and she did the same, though this time it was a 2 year long relationship. Quite the cycle, isn't it? But idk, this time it hit me harder. Things couldn't get any worse, right? You'd be wrong. About 2 years ago, I had joined a new workplace. And what do you know, a girl actually did like me, at least for a while. But just my luck, I was going through a bad phase, dealing with a breakup, death in the family, and my dad suffering two strokes, coupled with financial struggles. I pushed her away, thinking that I was protecting her, but I only hurt her. So deeply that she would go on to say yes to a guy her dad picked for her to marry. That guy would go on to break her heart, and she would lose all hope in love and marriage, calling the whole concept ***. So here I m, lost, broken, guilty, alone, living a goalless life, with no real will to live.

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