cottoneyejoe556 Member Profile

...See more My wife of 11 years left me on Monday to "take some space". Which is absolutely fine, we all need that from time to time. A fight and ongoing battle prompted the need for space. I see us both at fault, she puts all blame on me. We had an argument heated by our choice to move to another place and things didn't work out as we intended (never really does but our situation is pretty bleak). She wants a house, we're currently living in a camper, which was supposed to be temporary but 2 years later we are still there. It pains me to see her losing the will to continue with me because it feels I have failed her in some way. The economy is tight, it's difficult to purchase a home right now. I make decent money, 10 years ago it would have been an amazing income but economics. In this respect I feel like a total failure. I am the only one working. We have a son together and she stays home taking care of him, which I am all for, and want to make that a possibility for her. Week before she left she gave me the ultimatum: Get me a house started by the beginning of the year or I'm gone. I don't feel like this is a realistic expectation for her to have of me, but I see her concern and her exhaustion. I'm trying. In addition to financial troubles, we have argued a lot. I feel some of this is fueled by both mine and her exhaustion of our living situation. We had an argument 2 weeks ago and I said things that hurt her. It wasn't intended to truly hurt her the way it did, but sometimes in an argument we say things we do not mean. She claims that I constantly run her down and I gaslight her. My problems are no bigger than hers. I a lot of the time feel I cannot approach her with my problems because I tend to get an eyeroll and get brushed off. When she tells me about her problem, I mistake that for her being open to discussion about problems in general and want to discuss my own too. It's not that I'm belittling her problems. At least, not intentionally, but it is something I want to work on. She has left me, saying that she wants space, but will not reach out to me either. So I face the uncertainty of if I should reach out, and if so, when? Too soon and I'm crowding her, wait too long and I feel like she will think I don't care. I apologized profusely, and yes, even before she told me she was leaving. I understand apologies don't fix everything, but it's a start. I want to work on things but I can only work on myself. I cannot work on my relationship without her. Currently, I feel like I am inadequate, not good enough for her, a monster for treating her like I have. I feel that I cannot show her change without her in the picture. I'm even afraid to check in on my son to see how he is (he's 4 years old and doesn't understand). I'm completely lost.

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