Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
creativeBirch7465
106 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2015 Member sinceSeptember 25, 2015
Bio
Recent forum posts
creativeBirch7465 profile picture
My New Attitude on Panic Attacks
Anxiety Support / by creativeBirch7465
Last post
 April 29th, 2016
...See more I have frequent panic attacks where I am convinced that I'll have a stroke or go into cardiac arrest. I have been convinced of this at least 20 times now, and I haven't died yet. So obviously, that fear was not coming from true intuition; it was coming from an irrational place. Even after realizing this, I still felt fearful when the panic was taking me over, and I convinced myself that "this is the one! This is the panic attack where I'll actually die!"...and still, I'm here. So I tried taking on an attitude of mocking the panic, saying "you haven't killed me and you never will :-P". That only made the panic more advanced and sinister, giving me actual physical sensations like chest pain and faintness. So I decided it was time to take on a new attitude. My AHA moment was realizing that the best attitude to take on is one where I'm not fearful of death. When I feel a panic attack coming on, I just say to myself, "I either die or I don't". Simple. It either happens, or it doesn't. I am indifferent either way. If being indifferent doesn't work for you because you have important responsibilities, then I would suggest you just calmly watch the panic attack happen. Since panic irrational and totally created by the mind, nothing will happen to you.
creativeBirch7465 profile picture
Too Scared to Speak
Anxiety Support / by creativeBirch7465
Last post
 September 25th, 2015
...See more Hi everyone, I am just now trying to figure out the root cause of my anxiety. I have many fears, and one of them is speaking. For a long time, I said to myself, "the root of my social anxiety is a fear of rejection." But that doesn't explain where the anxiety originated. To find the answer, I am now looking at the very beginning of my life. I was born into an abusive household. My father beat my mother everyday for "saying thr wrong thing". But as a baby, I didn't understand language; all I understood was that speaking = getting hit or stabbed. My mom said when I was about 8 months old, I started screaming and crying when my dad would hit her, and if she happened to be holding me, I'd put out my hand and push him. So I know that at that age, I understood that there was something was terribly wrong with his behavior. At some point, my mom decided it was time to escape. My father had us boarded into the house and he designed the front door so that it would lock from the inside. My mom had to break the doorknob off and it was absolutely necessary that I be quiet as a mouse, or we would all get killed. So there goes the idea once again that speaking would put me in terrible danger. We escaped successfully and my mom was able to get to another island on the country I'm from. She found a low-paying job that didn't pay enough for her to get a baby-sitter, so me and my siblings had to be left home alone. My sister was 9, my brother was 6, and I was 2. My mom didn't want anyone to know we were home alone, so we had to be very quiet in the house or else we'd be taken away. Once again, speaking = danger. When I began pre-school, it was discovered that I was an elective mute, meaning I would only speak to certain people and go mute to other people. So if my teachers or another child spoke directly to me, I would simply say nothing at all. But if my mom or siblings spoke to me, I was lively and talkative. In the country I'm from, corporal punishment was and still is practiced in school from kindergarten to 12th grade. I remember watching kids get hit with sticks by the teacher for talking in class. And once again, the idea that speaking and pain were related was reinforced in my brain. I made it through my K-12 without ever being hit for talking, because I simply didn't talk. And I still don't. Even though I am now aware that no authority will hit me for speaking, those first years of my life have still stuck with me. So no matter how I try to rationalize with myself, nothing helps rid me of my social anxiety. I try to tell myself "no one will hurt you for speaking!!!", but the little girl that still exists in my brain believes otherwise.
Search more from @creativeBirch7465
Talk to an expert therapist
Smita is very kind and listens carefully. She has a calming aura and I am very...
Reviewed Aug 9, 2026
Talk to Smita Now
Badges & Awards
6 total badges
Hand Shake Linked First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion
Report an issue