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creativeEye
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PathStep 5 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2018 Member sinceJune 15, 2018
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Anxious after getting dress coded.
Anxiety Support / by creativeEye
Last post
 June 15th, 2018
...See more Hello. Recently Ive been unhealthily ruminating about this incident and every time it makes me anxious and ashamed. Ive been dealing with anxiety since junior high and so ruminating and other symptoms of anxiety arent necessarily new to me. The problem is I just keep on going back to this one event and I want it to stop. I consider myself a good kid. I get good grades, turn all of my assignments in on time, follows the rules, etc. I fear getting in trouble and typically when I do (ex: forget to do an assignment) I get thrown into an unwanted anxiety attack. The majority of my anxiety is school related. Back in April, I got dress coded for a shirt I had worn to school multiple times before and that had met the dress code of being two inches wide in the straps (it just met the requirements. People come in with crop tops and the newest style is wearing shirts that show lacy bra straps, among other things. I live in a very hot state so a lot of the short shorts, spaghetti straps and other attire like that is expected and shows up in that school every single day (not an exaggeration). I barely sat down for lunch when a security guard came over and pulled me aside and gave me a spiel about how there were only so few of them and they couldnt catch them all and when my anxiety spikes I cant stand up for myself and I shut down. The security guards at my school are biased and while I was in the nurses office and I was crying on the phone to my mom to get me some new clothes, the security guard was having a casual conversation with a girl whose shorts showed her bottom. When we walked out (I didnt want to offend the girl), I told the lady that the girls shorts clearly didnt meet the dress code and she just shrugged. She decided to put me in school suspension while I waited for my mom (which was not supposed to happen), and while passing the lunchroom I also pointed out the lacy bra trend and how if you stood in the lunchroom and looked around at each table, thered be at least one girl wearing something that broke the dress code. She dismissed me again and in the end, I ended up in the counselors office for nearly the rest of the day because my anxiety attack was bad (my counselor said that I shouldnt have gotten dress coded in the first place, so I swear Im not just being whiny), but when I did get to my last class, a girl in there was wearing spaghetti straps. I dont know why I cant stop thinking about it. I wore that particular shirt because it was one of my nicer shirts and a lot of bad stuff was happening at that time so I wanted to feel better about myself and feel nice.I guess it was just the last straw before everything can crumbling down. I avoided that security guard at all cost, but I became so focused on avoided her that I noticed her everywhere in the school. I feel guilty now even wearing tank tops in my house and I feel like throwing up whenever I see the shirt (its June and I havent even worn it since). Im so scared of what to wear to school now. When school was still in session, I became hyper aware of everyones clothes and what they wore and kept on thinking back to that incident. I thought when summer rolled around that maybe Id forget or think lesser of if, but my mind still rolls back to it and I freeze and get anxious. I remember that I still have two more years of highschool and seeing this security guard. I hate it. I just want to forget it. If you read through all of this, thank you. I wanted to get this off of my chest and if anyone would mind sharing any strategies or coping techniques, it would be very much appreciated.
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