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crystalbanjo
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 8, 2024
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Avoidant Attachment Or Does He Not Like Me?
Relationship Stress / by crystalbanjo
Last post
 November 12th, 2024
...See more I’m a 20F, and I’ve been friends with a guy named Eli (20M) for a while now. I met him through my two best friends, Carly (20F), who has known Eli since birth, and Trey (21M), who has been Eli’s college classmate for a couple of semesters. We’ve spent time together in that group of four, and recently things have gotten more complicated. Trey had told Eli that he has found a liking towards Carly and when I met Eli for the first time, Carly told me that Eli has never behaved around a woman the way he has when I’m around, causing her to have the thought that Eli had a crush on me. Time progressed and Trey brings up the fact that they both should make their moves on Carly and I since Eli didn’t have the courage to, Trey kinda gave him the encouragement to make a move on me since I always thought Eli was funny and attractive. Eli and I ended up hu and we both acted like nothing happened the next day and the four of us kept hanging out and when we weren’t hanging out, Eli would every once in a while send me memes for us to laugh at and I would do it too.  All of us, plus some other friends planned a birthday trip for me and I told Trey that I would like to get close with Eli, so Trey brought it up to him and Trey then told me that Eli is down to share a room with me. Eli and I hu twice on a trip. The second night we hu, we were drunk and I confessed to Eli that I really liked him and that I was upset that he had been distant and barely spoke to me since a month from the last time I saw him. I also told him that I felt like I was being used, but Eli then said that he really likes me too and would never use me and apologized. After that conversation, I kissed him and he started kissing me all over my face and started becoming extremely affectionate and sweet. We hu and it just felt like there were so many feelings involved this time. The next morning I wake up, and he starts staying silent again like he did the last morning and just went off to do his own this with our friends and I did my own thing with mine at the trip. Now I’m confused about his behavior after the trip, he hasn’t made a move to reach out to me on his own, and when we were spending time together, it was always with Trey and Carly. He’s been distant, hasn’t spoken to me since we said goodbye at the trip and I haven’t had any direct, or meaningful conversations with him since the trip. I then realized that he took me off his private story for no reason, then Carly asked me if Eli had spoken to me since the trip and I said no which left us even more confused. She mentioned that surprisingly, Eli has tried to speak to her and Trey more which lead her to ask if Eli had spoken to me since then to see if. he had finally built up the courage to stay consistent Eli has also mentioned in the past (after our first hu 3 months ago) to Carly that he really likes me and my personality and that he’s trying to figure out his intentions with me, but it feels like he’s not making much of an effort to clarify things since he said that (3 months ago). His behavior has left me uncertain about whether he likes me or if I’m reading into things too much. Carly also mentioned that Eli is very avoidant and is afraid to open up about his feelings since she usually has to pry things out of him. I’m not sure if I should confront him again or leave things as they are because I don’t want to risk ruining our bond if he doesn’t feel the same way. I’m torn because, on one hand, I want clarity, but on the other hand, I don’t want to push him away by forcing a conversation when he’s already been avoidant. Carly decided to plan on talking to Eli about this in a subtle way since they’ve known each other longer, and she understands him better than I do. I feel like Eli would probably open up more to her than to me. I don’t plan to reach out to him directly unless he reaches out to me first. Eli also has a difficult family background, which I know affects how he handles relationships. I was also told by Trey that Eli doesn’t really interact with women nor has he ever has a girlfriend and that he is afraid to make a move most of the time because of how he is. Trey told me that Eli has hu with other people but fails to maintain it because of how shy and nervous he gets. During the trip, Trey had told me that the last time Eli had sex was a year prior to me and said that this is the first time Eli has ever been this consistent with a woman. But him removing me from his private story makes no sense to me now because I’ve done nothing wrong.  My question is: How should I handle this situation? Should I confront Eli again, or wait and let Carly try to figure out what he might be feeling/thinking? Any advice or similar experiences would be helpful.
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