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curiosityseeker
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceJuly 13, 2026
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Girlfriend in serious financial trouble; how can we move forward?
Relationship Stress / by curiosityseeker
Last post
 July 14th
...See more I (51M) have been in a LTR with a 51F for 10 years. We do not live together. She rents a house and lives with her mother. She has an 18-year-old son who splits time between her and his dad, who lives very close by. (Now that he's graduated HS there is no longer a custody schedule or child support payments). I rent a 1BR apt about 30 minutes away.  I love her deeply, but we have been stuck at the same point for a long time now. The reasons for me not proposing are two-fold: 1) financial stability (for both of us, but particularly her) and 2) she cannot keep a clutter-free home, due primarily to Executive Dysfunction, and I need to be in a mostly-clutter free space. I have worked two + jobs for years, primarily a FT job in childcare and a PT job in a restaurant. She has had challenges staying employed. She currently has a part-time and seasonal job that will pause after September. Before this her last job was a FT one from which she was dismissed in May of 2024.  She is a very lovely person. She gives tremendous support. We have wonderful times together. But the financial stress has been and is crushing. And now she has been served a pay-rent-or-quit notice. Three days have elapsed so at any moment now the landlord can begin the eviction process.  Although I have savings, I don't feel like giving her money is the answer. I've been trying to get her to access every possible resource and she hasn't been consistent with her efforts in this regard. (I'm sympathetic that this is largely due to anxiety issues). I've been hoping she'd stretch more outside her comfort zone in the occupational arena (again, anxiety - as well as some physical limitations - are influences but not excuses).  So much logic tells me this relationship can never blossom into marriage (which is what we both want) and that I should have ended it some years ago. However, we now are where we are and I'm completely torn. I can take her in if she can find a separate space for her mother (my lease will only permit two) but I have hesitation in doing that because once the PT job ends if she has failed to line up anything else she would have no income at all, and while I could continue to cover rent managing other expenses would be challenging.  I feel stupid for letting it get to this point. I don't know what to do. It would kill my soul to see her end up on the street. It would also kill my soul if she moves in but can't get work.
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