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dapperShade1108
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2022 Member sinceAugust 28, 2022
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Has anyone ever had any luck with someone who "needs time to think"?
Relationship Stress / by dapperShade1108
Last post
 August 30th, 2022
...See more I'll try to do the Reader's Digest version here as the whole thing is just way too long. I (straight female) have been unhappily divorced since 2017. To be very honest, I was never planning to meet anyone or date ever again; I was simply hurt THAT badly when my ex husband left. I have made some progress toward "getting over it" but I'd be lying if I said I was fully there. I'm not. I met a man through work a few months ago. He lives a few hours away, and is several years younger. Not CRAZY territory younger though, haha. Though I wasn't planning on meeting anyone, we connected immediately. He had just been dumped by a (much less serious than my last relationship) girlfriend. The physical chemistry was immediate, and I've never in my life done the "hookup" or FWB scene. But we did. I think part of me thought, why not just have some fun? And oh, it was a lot of fun. The issue now is that after spending a few weekends together (not even close to every weekend due to the distance), there are feelings. On both ends, not just mine. And he also confided in me that he slept with someone else in July and feels terrible, which upset me deeply even though we never said we were exclusive or put a label on this. But I still think it's hard to NOT be hurt, and I do feel that our trust was damaged. Maybe not irreparably, but a good bit. I really like this guy. He is the first person I've had feelings for at all, or even a crush on, in nearly 6 years. I've been asked out many, many times since my divorce and every single time I said no. I just wasn't feeling it. It's different with him. I told him that I would really like to try to pursue this, up to and including one of us (probably me) relocating, if it is still going well after an appropriate amount of time. He didn't say no, but he didn't say yes either. He said that if I was local, it would be a no-brainer. He said he needs time to think about it. If you search the internet at large, and especially places like Reddit, the chief consensus is "girrrllll that means he doesn't want YOU!" I'm just not so sure about that. He has a lot of stress in lots of areas of his life right now, in addition to the issue of the distance. I do think he is being somewhat shortsighted on the distance thing. It has been two weeks since this conversation, and he has called me almost every day since, and texted every day. In my experience that means he has to care at least somewhat? It just seems like a lot of work for him if all this is ever going to amount to is hooking up a few times a year. He could get that locally...and has (sigh). I'm trying to be patient and let him do his thinking.. even though it's driving me CRAZY because I don't understand how someone could possibly not know if they want to be with someone or not? To me it's VERY black and white... you either like someone, or you don't. I've never been torn. I think I've even subconsciously already started the process of grieving losing him.. and he's not even "gone." :( I would love to hear any thoughts. Especially from men, though I have a feeling this forum is female-heavy, lol.
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