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dexters1e5
544 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts50 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceAugust 14, 2024
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Turned to wine after a break up
Newbie Hub / by dexters1e5
Last post
 August 15th, 2024
...See more I wake up every morning with my heart beating one million miles an hour and I can't cope with the anxiety so more often than not I'll actually open a bottle of wine as soon as I wake up. I'll commute to work with wine in a water bottle and sip it all day.  Nobody in my life knows this. I'm 32F, look after my appearance, im in good shape, im well known in my community as a happy logical fun person and my job is going well, I just had a promotion. I put on a character every day at work and then I panic when I have to go home and be on my own because that's when it feels like the walls are caving in and I can't breathe. I either pace round anxiously or stand in the same spot paralysed. I had a horrible break up a while ago and logic seems to have escaped me and I've turned into a shell of a person.  I have had periods of using wine as a coping mechanism in the past but it lasted about 2 weeks and then i've gotten over whatever was making me anxious. This is the deepest darkest place I've ever been in and I've no idea how to be normal again. I wander round town looking at people who look happy and think how does everyone make it look so easy. I'd rather break my leg or have a physical injury than this constant feeling of panic and loneliness. I know the wine isn't helping but I am genuinely terrified of a day without anything to numb it all. Is anyone else living an absolute lie and hanging on by a thread?
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