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diplomaticOcean2966
655 M Embraced 5
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts54 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceJuly 23, 2021
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Emotionally immature mom
Family & Caregivers / by diplomaticOcean2966
Last post
 March 30th, 2023
...See more Hello! So I'm writing this because I'm tired. Like really tired of how my mum treats me. After having done some research on her behavior I believe that she is just an emotionally immature and unavailable parent, but this affects me a lot - especially now during adulthood. My mum is caring and she provides for everything I need, she tries to be better than her mum who is a complete *** (I'm sorry for those words, but my grandma used to be terrible to my mum and I'll always be angry at her for that) and therefore I understand that my mum struggles with mental health and might not know how to emotionally respond to conflicts and fights, but I am definitely suffering under it. I was a very polite, determined and ambitious child and teenager, bringing home good grades, never getting into trouble, never having been in a relationship until the age of 19 and never being disrespectful. She always found something though to be mad about. I remember that whenever I would spill a glass of water on accident she'd yell at me. I remember that she gave me the silent treatment at random times and never explaining why though I asked - I still don't know why. She often says she's a bad mum and that I always picture her as the "villain", she also said that if she were to die of a heartattack it was because I was putting her through so much distress. I am similar to my father who she hates and she does not miss a chance to tell me "oh you're just like your father and I hate him" - therefore I assume she hates me just as much. Well, I am pretty much aware now at 20 years old that this behavior is in no way acceptable (especially since I was 13-17 around that time) and therefore did a lot of inner work on myself to let myself heal and not be affected too much by my mother. Ever since I started to set boundaries and gain confidence in my own emotions my mum and I got closer because I was ready to show vulnerability eventhough this is what she used to hold against me. It went well for a while and I remember being the happiest person alive that I finally made my mum to like me - but apparently that only lasted for a while. I believe she misses me being a little girl and therefore can't deal with me being an adult now. She still gives me the silent treatment often times, insults me (she used to tell me my smile is ugly and that I should stop doing that or that I gained weight during puberty because I got stretch marks or that my skin is ugly because I have a skin condition and suggested me to not wear t-shirts that would show said skin condition during summer) I know my mum loves me but she doesn't like me. And it really really hurts a *** lot and I feel as if eventhough I am working on myself she has *** me up a little for adulthood. I struggle forming emotional connections with people, but as I said I am actively working on it to not be a mum just like she is one day. I just needed to get this off my mind and if anyone has a similar story to share then pls do. If u have any suggestions as well, I'm glad to hear about them, I know how hard this is and I am very certain that my experience is nowhere near unique - you're definitely not alone :)
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No feelings after first date
Relationship Stress / by diplomaticOcean2966
Last post
 March 21st, 2023
...See more Hello! Today I had my first date with a guy I just met. He's very nice, polite and basically everything Im looking for in a guy. The date went well, but I am left of not feeling excited or anything. The time we spend together was nice, but once I got home I didn't think much about it. I don't feel butterflies, I don't feel like I have a crush on him, I just feel like I always do. He definitely is interested and we both are looking for the same things, but I don't know if this feeling is normal or not for me. I've never been on a date before or in love in general, but I do know what a crush feels like and this certainly doesn't. I mean we don't know each other for a long time, but still. I this normal? And are some people just slow with their feelings? Was anyone in a similar Situation and perhaps can help? Thanks in advance!
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Sudden anxiety + panic attacks
Anxiety Support / by diplomaticOcean2966
Last post
 February 4th, 2023
...See more When I was a kid I was very anxious, having heavy abandonment issues and a strong fear of death and losing my parents. Once I got older the feeling got away but for the past months (especially this week) I have been feeling so anxious I have panic attacks at night and cry before going to bed. I'm 18 now and haven't had this since I was 8. Nothing bad has happened to me - exactly the opposite actually. I finally have a good relationship with my mum, started uni with a major I'm interested in, have found friends I feel comfy around with and gained a lot of confidence. I feel my life is peaking. Still I can't help but to irrationally fear loosing my parents, I don't know why but knowing one day they won't be there anymore makes me so sad my whole body hurts and I can't stop shaking. I came to the realization death isn't inevitable for real now - I feel wh3n you're younger you don't really REALIZE that yk? My mum is sick and she says she often fears death and dying in general (she has severe anxiety and has been kinda putting this on me for the last 3 years) and I am so scared that sh3 will be scared once she dies. I also want her to get better and knowing she isn't feeling good mak3s m3 incredibly anxious. No matter what I do, those anxious thoughts especially since three days seem to haunt me. My dad cam3 over today and I started crying th3 moment he was out the door. Why can't I just enjoy the moment and already worry about the future? It stresses me out and I feel like I'm at the edge of breaking down every second. Is this normal? Is it normal to feel this anxious though nothing is really wrong around you? And how can I stop this? This feeling comes often at night and not even doing my favourite things help me. I just wanna enjoy life as it is right now without the haunting fear of it all ending. For God's sake, I'm 18, I should be enjoying all of this right? 😭
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How can I be sure I like someone?
Relationship Stress / by diplomaticOcean2966
Last post
 January 13th, 2023
...See more Im 18 years old and have never been in a relationship before, I've never kissed anyone before and never had anything going on with a person beyond platonic interactions. I am someone that struggles figuring out wether I'm interested in someone or not because I don't rlly know what this type of love must feel like. I am scared that I might not have a crush on someone after acting out on it, only liking the idea of them. But I'm also scared of leaving a chance behind of being with someone I geniunly am interested in. Here's the thing, there's this guy in my class that I talk to sometimes, we also have the same way home and we always walk together when we can (it's not smth we discussed, it just happened randomly b3cause we don't wanna go alone). We have a lot in common and we have nice conversations. He is sometimes a little bit socially awkward so I don't know whether he feels pressured walking with me or if he geniunly likes it. He is nice and I am somewhat attracted to him, but it wouldn't mean the end for me if he didn't feel the same way. If he'd ask me out I'd say yes, if not then oh well. There aren't strong feelings attached to him, I just like him like that, that's it. Is this a crush already or not? And should I maybe act on it? Like I said he doesn't rlly talk to a lot of people at school so I'm a little surprised he opens up pretty quickly when talking to me, on the other hand he always sits down behind me and never next to me in class. I'm more of an extroverted person so I talk to nearly everyone in my class, he just never clings in to talk as well which leaves me a bit frustrated on how to get closer to him. He seems very shy when we're in a group, but alone it's way easier. He never reaches out on his own tho so I'm left confused on what his feelings are. I'm just so frustrated and finally take action in my love life :(
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Should I just settle?
Relationship Stress / by diplomaticOcean2966
Last post
 December 30th, 2022
...See more So there is this rlly great guy that asked me out and turns out we have a lot in common. We read the same books, like the same music and overall seem to rlly match. He is genuinely interested in me, asks me non superficial questions and respects my boundaries. I know this is the bare minimum but realistically seen its not often a guy puts this much effort into getting to know a girl. I just can't get myself to like him. Objectively seen he's perfect, literally all I wanted, but I don't feel it. I don't feel excited around him, nor do I feel at ease or calm. I just feel nothing. I don't feel the need to see or text him, I couldnt care less if he'd stop texting me or not but on the other hand I'm scared I'm expecting too much from a relationship. But shouldn't u be a little excited over someone who fits perfectly to u? I feel bad, but I've never been in a relationship before so I think I should just settle because there might be no one else, maybe I'm also missing the perfect person for me if I decide to throw it all away already. I feel like smth is wrong with me lmao
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