divergex4 Member Profile

Well if it isn’t the consequences of my actions

Relationship Stress / by divergex4

January 28th, 2022

...See more My boyfriend of 4 years broke things off with me out of nowhere days after thanksgiving after he returned home from visiting family. It was a rough week for us with him away and me not being able to go due to my own family commitments as well as school. To give brief background I’m a full-time college student living with my parents and commuting to school daily. He works for a maintenance company, full-time as well as on call while living with his father. We were actively searching for an apartment in the months prior to the breakup and had our futures entirely planned out with each other in mind. The breakup was very shocking to me, I never thought this would be a situation I’d be in again, especially with him. He claimed that although he loves me more than anything there are things that I need to work on and that at the moment he could no longer see the future we wanted. He also mentioned and highly stressed that he’s stressed, and doesn’t know who he is anymore, alluding to the fact that he needs to work on himself as well. We agreed on maintaining a friendship that night and things have honestly not been great since. I know there’s nobody else in the picture or anything like that. His entire life is dedicated to his job that makes him severely stressed. He doesn’t have a single friend anymore asides from me so he has only seen family in this time. I get he is going through a lot but I feel like he isn’t putting any effort into maintaining me in his life as a friend. When he left he was hugging me, sobbing, and kissing me on the forehead saying how sorry he is. I’m afraid to bring up my concerns to him because he’s very stubborn and it’s clear to me that he is hurt and his walls are up. I really just want to know from him some things… 1, if he genuinely would be interested in having a relationship with me in the future and 2, what the situation is with this friendship…. I mean all in all the friendship aspect hasn’t been that awful but I just feel like I’m the one making the effort to stay in contact and check in on him. I really would love to work to fix things but if he doesn’t want to work as well it’s not possible. I miss him tons and he’s my best friend, I feel incredibly guilty for the things I did wrong which mostly included just not really paying attention to what he needed to feel loved. I just want the chance to make it up to him. Part of me wants to ask him out for lunch or dinner because he even said himself during the breakup that we can hangout still and even do things like dinner, movies, etc but I don’t know when he will be ready. Should I just flat out ask him and try to talk to him in person if we hangout? I’m not sure what direction to take next. He means too much to me to just walk away, especially knowing he’s going through a difficult time.

Am I on the right track?

Relationship Stress / by divergex4

December 5th, 2021

...See more Hi everyone! The other night my boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up on his terms. While it is extremely devastating I have this sense of confidence in regards to discussing other options for us as a couple. We’ve been going through a rough patch recently, work is stressing him out severely(he’s been overworked and having bad days daily due to this) and I just haven’t really been myself in general. I realize the role I played in this but I also see a million and one ways that I believe we can work through it given he allows us the chance. He is very impulsive and I truly believe his decision came about due to being overwhelmed from stress (although he won’t admit that)… Every concern he mentioned is something completely fixable. I wasn’t necessarily given the chance to give him my side of things the other night so I do want to approach him with my ideas and just hear what he thinks about it. I know we need to work on giving each other space and balancing the empath sides of ourselves. Every problem we ever have had is ran by our emotions (I’m assuming this is due to us both being cancers)… We are best friends and have agreed to still talk while giving each other space and he has upped his therapy appointments from bi weekly to weekly. I am also looking into therapy options through my school to help aid. We briefly texted last night, he just asked how I was and then he told me a little about a call from work he had to go to. I also haven’t told anyone asides from my close friends yet because given the chance that he agrees for us to try my plan I wouldn’t want anyone to know that we broke up. I want to work on this with him really badly. I’ve really thought through everything and have been able to rationalize it. I know it’s only been a few days since the initial break up but I don’t want to wait on this, although usually I would in an instance like a breakup but this feels different. Right after we broke up (we had the conversation in the target parking lot) he took us to go get ice cream cones and food, and then brought me home, walked me inside, unpacked my groceries for me that he bought me, and then stood there hugging me, kissing my forehead, and choking back tears of his own. There is a lot of love between us. We’ve also been apartment hunting recently which also goes to show how serious we were. All in all, this is something really important to me. He’s the love of my life and I know him more than anyone else. I at least want him to hear me out and think about things. Any advice would be gladly welcomed. Thank you.

Blindsided

Relationship Stress / by divergex4

December 1st, 2021

...See more So for background, my boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. I’m a full-time college student and he is on the maintenance team of a growing property management company. Lately school has been taking a toll on me mentally and it is obvious that work is pulling him down far(last week he was on call and worked 70 hours total). Last night everything came crashing down when he said we had to talk and he proceeded to break up with me stating that he loves me more than anything but he feels like we regressed to where were after our initial breakup back in March of 2020(that breakup was due to him being scared of hurting me with his mental state so he ran and hid)… We reunited in July of the same year and things were great but it was always a struggle when it came to our emotions, if I’m sad, he was sad, and vice versa. And because of the trauma I had from the unexpected breakup I became paranoid that he was going to up and leave me again, this led to me developing a need for constant reassurance that everything was ok. Eventually I convinced him to seek out therapy and things with us improved drastically. We’ve been searching for an apartment together and were dead set on being in it for the long haul. Last night he mentioned that because of this regression he feels we need to break up in order to find ourselves and “soul search.” And while I agree with what he was saying to an extent instead of bringing it up to me sooner so we could work on it he waited and broke up with me because he claimed that we most likely would’ve just stressed out on each other and keep apologizing until we forgot about the problem until the cycle starts again. I realize that he’s not in the wrong and I agree that space can be helpful but I can’t stop thinking that there is a better way to go about this. I want to show him that I can heal and find myself again but I do feel like in our situation we could easily work on ourselves while still being together. I recognize my faults and I desperately want to fix what went wrong. I feel like a few conversations in order to make a game plan would work along with maybe couples therapy which I am completely down for and think it would be very helpful for us, but he has his mind made up. I do feel like a majority of this was just an impulsive decision but I respect his views on it and agree with most of it. He even mentioned if we work on ourselves and eventually talk about it we could give it another go. Another issue I feel could have contributed is that we never have alone time or space from each other, when we aren’t at school or working we are constantly texting or on the phone with each other. I believe that if we talked it through and made plans to seek therapy and give each other the space needed that this could be an excellent option. I just don’t know how I could present this in a way to him that would be effective. I know he loves me and we discussed the fact that we aren’t going to cut each other off because we are best friends but I still don’t feel confident that breaking up completely is the right option for us. After dropping me off last night he helped unpack all of my groceries that he bought me and stood in the kitchen hugging me, kissing my forehead, and crying. My friends who know us and our relationship well agree with me that breaking up isn’t the option we should be going with. I really think that the influence that work has over him has led him to this decision and I don’t like that he feels like separating is the only option. I’d even settle for a break which would guarantee us the space to heal but I don’t know anymore…

Am I supposed to keep quiet?

Trauma Support / by divergex4

March 16th, 2021

Need Advice About Ex :(

Relationship Stress / by divergex4

May 10th, 2020

...See more My ex and I were together for almost together for 3 years before he messaged me one day saying he felt lost, needed to piece his life together and had to end things. I of course took this hard since I felt confused that he was unable to give me direct reasons why he had to end things asides from saying he needed space. I decided to respect that and didn't contact him for over a month, (felt like years) but during that month I was able to heal tremondously, pick up old hobbies, learn to live without him, and assess what I wanted moving forward. I concluded that I want him back and don't want us to end for good. I want to continue to give him space but we also adopted a guinea pig together a few weeks prior. When we got her she was sick so caring for her was hard from the start. Losing him and having to take full responsibility of her was difficult and I find myself struggling most days to give her the attention and care needed. Two weeks ago I messaged him saying how she's his responsibility too and how I want to at least be able to maintain a friendship and have contact with him. We talked via PS4 party the other night and things went OK but there's clear tension. I'd like to address the elephant in the room with us but my contact with him is limited as he barely responds to messages making me seem clingy and needy while that's not my intention. Conversation gone bad last night (my fault) has me stressed and my apology went ignored. Idk how to approach him now.

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