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doodle11
306 M Embraced 2
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2018 Member sinceDecember 10, 2017
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Am I Making This Up?
Eating Disorder Support / by doodle11
Last post
 September 26th, 2018
...See more Hello, I have always had a weird relationship with food; I used to starve myself in middle school, stopped during high school, and started eating a LOT when I began college. Now I'm in this weird place where I'm starving myself for a day or two (ex. only eating a small dinner) and then all of a sudden I NEED a certain food to make myself feel better about something. Like yesterday, for instence, I had been eating less than [calories edited by 24Help1] calories a day for maybe 3 days and then (panic attack, school stress, melt down- you know) I went to the store and bought myself chips, chocolate, and ice cream. I ate all the chocolate, all the ice cream, and a handful of chips (my partner ate those, mostly). While I was eating everything seemed normal and good, but by the end I was sad and disappointed in myself for what I had done. Long story short, I understand what bulimia is and I know I have some behaviours from it, but I don't starve myself to punish myself- I starve myself to lose weight and then just lose control with my eating. I don't think of it as binging and purging- it's just like surviving on as little as possible and then slipping up and eating what I don't need. Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is that I'm confused and I'd really appreciate someone else's take on what's going on. I know there's something wrong, but I just don't know if it's actually a psychological problem or if I'm a bad dieter looking for sympathy.
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