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Toxic Family: Are they toxic?

Anxiety Support / by duate

October 27th, 2019

...See more I'm confused between the difference btwn unhealthy family members and toxic family members. My dad gets angry very easily, always interrupt me and even my mother to get his point across. He gives me ultimatums and disowned me over email but keeps emailing me telling me he doesn't respect me and says i'm a disappointment. He says things like "don't you understand sarcasm" or "i don't care about how that made you feel, I care about the facts" to justify hurtful insulting things he tells me. My mom tries to talk w me and understand where I'm coming from. She hardly gets anger outbursts and that really makes me feel safe with her even if I don't see eye to eye with her. I'm hopeful I can have a better relationship with my mom but i'm not sure with my dad. He says he can't even guarentee he will try to fix our relationship with me and puts the blame on me. I tried telling him how I feel is not a reflection on him and that I don't hate him, but then he mocks me and says "yeah right you're a liar". I feel like maybe he is a toxic family member but idk the diff btwn unhealthy vs toxic. Should I avoid my dad or try to reconcile w him later in life ever though he disowned me? What are toxic family member traits?

Being Disowned and having to drop out of college

Anxiety Support / by duate

October 16th, 2019

...See more Hi everyone. I've been disowned by my family 3 days ago. They've done that to me before as a scare tactic and said they were teaching me a lesson. This time it was because they didn't like my boyfriend's job and since I chose to be with him and defend him (and they never met him bc we are long distance) they disowned me. I felt so much betrayal and pain bc of this. I now have such great anxiety about my future bc for once I am focusing on what makes me happy and not only my parents. I've tried for years to please them and put anything that I cared about under the rug just to avoid conflict. Maybe we don't have any boundaries at home. But to disown me over a guy they never even gave a chance to is not fair, in my opinion. While I love my family, I chose to drop out of college since they will no longer support me and my mental health has been taking a decline due to such family stress. I now have to move and somehow may back my loans and get a job. I have some money in my bank but I still feel like this is an unreal experience. I feel anxious to step outside fearing i'll run into my parents even tho I know they arent here. I feel anxious if I'll be safe in the real world and if I'll ever come to regret my decision even tho in my gut, I know what I'm doing is something that is healthy for me. I feel anxious that my parents will never come around and accept me and see me as a failure. Are there any tips I can have for anyone who has been in the situation or just in general? Thank you! <3

The Power of Self-Appreciation

Positivity & Gratitude / by duate

July 12th, 2017

...See more Whether you're reading this and you can look in the mirror and love the person staring back or you look in the mirror and see the person staring back as unworthy of love, here's the truth that remains constant: you are WORTHY of love! Give yourself some charity. You are beloved by so many around you. If you find no joy, no light, no happiness around you, it's because your heart needs you to love YOU FIRST, You are so precious. Don't forget that. The tendency for us to forgive others is much easier than forgiving ourselves...why? A large reason is for the lack of self-appreciation. Before you can show love to anyone else or receive love from anyone else, such as a family member, friends..even a pet, you gotta start with loving yourself first because you spend the most time with yourself and the way you treat yourself will accurately influence the way you view and treat others. Forgiveness to others is a gift showing appreciation and acknowledging the value of the person who made the mistake. But to forgive yourself is a task that requires you to overlook your mistakes and see yourself worthy of love and appreciation. Believe me, I've gone through something so painful this last 3 weeks and it ripped my heart out and i shamed myesld and even hated myself. But then I thought "i want things to get better. I want to get better. How does mistreating my feelings help in any way. It doesn't. And i had to tell myself I am loved. Fearfully and wonderfully made. Crafted with a purpose." And now, I can look in the mirror and love me staring back because I know that the person staring back has value, is priceless, and that person's family and friends wants me to be happy and healthy in all aspects of life. And my heart is filled with peace. Peace beyond understanding...but i can love myself more and make progress to the things I want to fix because I learned to forgive my past and move forward. You can't make plans for the future if your past is still present Let that go. and focus on the "eternal now". You stand eternally in the present as it moves forward with time. So, look in the mirror, and tell yourself "I am a good person, worthy of love and appreciation". You may not believe it the first few times. But that's okay. I've been there too.But keep telling yourself that. Ruminate on it. And soon, you'll see how much you are loved. Cherished. Treasured. Loving yourself isn't actually that hard to do. When you find the power to love yourself, you're happier and more at peace. You'll overfow with gladness of heart and see that wow the people around me are also glad for me. Nothing is too dark that the light cannot shine through. Be a light. LOVE YOURSELF AND FORGIVE THE PAST. You are worth more than the past, the person you thought you had a life with, the memory/event that impacted you. You starts with YOU. It's self-care. The more love you invest in yourself, the more you can give back. And that is a gift that keeps on giving. Don't forget. You are loved. Embrace yourself and smile because in your heart, you really do have goodness and love for yourself. Let that rise to the surface and pour out! <3

Advice please

Relationship Stress / by duate

July 6th, 2017

...See more It's been 2 weeks since my ex and I split. I contacted him again after we gave each other time on our own to think about our own wellbeing. He said he can accept our status now and can let go but still wants me to be happy and healthy in mind, body, and soul. I really want to meet up with him once more so we can have an open discussion about what's next for us. Here's the problem. I emailed him telling him I going to prove him wrong and show him the better me. (We went through some things that some of which I was responsible in needing to fix and he wanted me to find the better identity in me). Anyway. He read that and found the "proving you wrong" part to be insensitive and extreme but i meant it in a way to let him know actions speak louder than words. I didn't mean it to be as if I'm targeting him. No, i care about him and his feelings dearly and i feel terrible about this misunderstanding. I felt like a just took 10 steps back from trying to rebuild connection. I emailed back explaining the misunderstand and how I only want him to be happy and that i would like to talk in person about possibly having a friendship...he hasn't replied back yet. I feel like i'm failing to make a new start with him. I know he needs time too to heal, and i think he's over the breakup but still isn't ready for a clean start. So what do i do? Wait for his reply? what if he never replies back to me? should i email him once more? it pains me to see him in pain too. He says he's "happy where he's at" and that he wants me to be happy "either with or without him"

Motivation: FREEDOM from Anxiety

Anxiety Support / by duate

July 9th, 2017

...See more Hey y'all. In reflection of July 4th and my own recent experience where I found true freedom from anxiety, let me share something for anyone out there feeling the weight of anxiety on them. Anxiety is a horrible feeling. Because you start to grow anxiety about that anxiety then get angry, frustrated, even depressed about your anxiety. Tell yourself this: your anxiety comes from past memories or fears. They aren't present with you here in the now. Let go of the past because everything's going to be okay. You are okay at this very moment. Nothing needs to be changed or altered because everything is just fine as it is right now." YOU are priceless. Cherished. Treasured. So valued and fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't let your path determine your destination. You're uncomfortable in this situation because something is going to change...so accept it and look for what can be instead of what can't. I found freedom from anxiety by grounding myself in the present; acknowledging that the past has no hold on me and making peace and healing with it. And knowing my worth. Wonderful and blessed reader, don't forget your worth. And your purpose here on this earth. YOU were crafted expertly and there's a reason why you're here. Maybe to be that helper to a certain someone, or to make an advancement on a cause dear to you and other...whatever it is, you matter. You matter more than your fears, anxiety, insecurities, wordly judgment--YOU ARE PRECIOUS. Keep telling yourself that. Don't isolate yourself. Find someone you trust and love and ask them to tell you something they find admirable in you. Then think about the trait they listed and embrace it! THATS YOUR UNIQUE QUALITY!! You are loved. Don't forget that either. Turning off the anxiety switch won't make anxiety suddenly vanish, but anxiety won't have ahold on you like it did before. You'll find courage to do/say something you wanted to do. You'll see that you're surrounded by people who actually are consciously aware of who you are/ how you're feeling...you'll appreciate your worth and gain confidence in yourself and in the future. Isn't that a wonderful girft to have? The burden can be lifted. Keep telling yourself that great things have yet to come. And the anxiety will still be lingering around you trying to bog you down, but you become immune to its lies and are FREE!!! Much love <3

Getting back or staying as friends?

Relationship Stress / by duate

June 30th, 2017

...See more My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. It was because we hanged out but I didn't let my parents know he was gonna join me. but it's more than just that...In our 4 month dating relationship, i did have some insecurities and worries that i was gonna lose him. because we were heading off on separate colleges and my parents did tell me that they wanted me to focus in school and that high school dating was wrong timing. but i loved him very much and he really has the character worth admiring. and he loved me too and promised me i wouldn't lose him. anyway. he found out through my parents telling him what i did wrong and said to me that he can't be with someone who dishonors their family like that. he was hurt too, because he saw me hiding my worries inside and not opening up to him. i was so scared to open up to him because i didn't want to add my stress into his life, into our relationship. he has given me time to rebuild my family relationship and says that one day we'll inevitably meet again. he's unsure about starting a relationship with me again because of college and the distance between our colleges (diff states) and he's scared i'll hurt his trust again. but i've been rebuilding and healing and at some point i want to meet with him again. he's considering friendship with me, and if that's what makes him happy, i'm happy with it too. i'm never going to show him any animosity or arrogance when we meet again, because i don't believe that's loving or kind and he doesn't deserve that. he's a wonderful man, he has a heart of gold and has great values...should i even consider entering a relationship with him again? he told me he still has feelings for me so that is quite confusing. and if we stay as friends, how do i keep my own feelings aside and move past our former relationship experiences/memories/past? thanks y'all!

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