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easyGrapes2832
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceJanuary 29, 2022
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Am I an idiot?
Relationship Stress / by easyGrapes2832
Last post
 January 30th, 2022
...See more Me and my girlfriend have been with each other just under a year but we have quite the history. We went to secondary school together and I was in love with her, I didn’t realise. I was only 13 when we met as was she and I didn’t know my sexual orientation at this point although she knew hers. I was a homosexual and she was a heterosexual. I didn’t realise my feelings until after I realised I was gay she was just a friend I cared for more then any other friend, once I realise I was a lesbian I realised it was more then that for me. When I did realise I was about 17 and although I realised I had/had had feelings for her I didn’t ever think anything of it or anything would come of it as we had naturally stopped seeing each other after we finished school at 16. I just realised I was gay and had been in love with a girl from school. I mean we were close. I’d see her everyday outside of school. Was close with her mum and brothers. Honestly looking back it’s funny that I didn’t realise sooner how I felt about her. But as I’d said. When we left school she actually ended up in a serious relationship with a guy who was a physically abusive and just genuinely a twat. Then one day when we were 20 and some years had past we bumped into each other in the local town, shed ended it with the twat. She was with her step sister going to the park and she invited me to join, which I did. We got really close again but this time different. She would call me all the time, want me at her flat all the time. I thought we might be starting something up. She even had me stay over sleeping in her bed. I was nervous and excited but didn’t want to be reading into something that potentially wasn’t there. I mean after all I was the lesbian. She wasn’t. For the next couple weeks I thought something was starting but just couldn’t be sure. So I decided to go to some friends for advice. They told me to invite her to a party they were having and they’d help me figure out what her intentions might be regarding her and my relationship wether it was just friends or she wanted more like I did (seems sad to me now that I wouldn’t be self loving enough to just tell her how I felt and mange the response). After she left my friends told me I should go for it and the next day I was heading to hers to tell her how I felt (she only lived up the road from the party) When I rang to tell her I was on my way she told me one of the said friends had messaged her on Facebook and wanted to meet up, she said he seemed nice. I was a bit crushed but just relieved I hadn’t gone to her house and told her how I felt. We went out for a drink one night, not long after and she started flirting with said friend. Some perspective the friend was a virgin and a bit of a social loser, actually turns out he’d been a creep who sent unsolicited dick pics all over the place and would go to bars with other friends in hope to find drunk girls he could lose his virginity too (found out this information much later). So tbh I didn’t see it as a threat and arrogantly assumed she was trying to see how I felt by making me jealous and was pissed that I hadn’t made a move. But I didn’t want to be a part of games, I got annoyed as I’d had a bit to drink and it was harder to hide my feelings. I remember having an argument and leaving after we had gone back to hers. I was pissed that she’d been flirting with my friend after seemingly starting something with me. I went home deciding I had made a mistake and she obviously wasn’t into me. She rang the next morning begging me to come home. She even sent a taxi to come get me. My head was back spinning because although she called me back she never said why. She never said she wanted me just that she wanted me back. So I took the same stance as when I left, that I should probably distance myself from thinking there is anything there. She decided that she was going to date my friend which I couldn’t complain about, we obviously weren’t an item that’s just something I wanted. However she would still call me all day everyday still want me there and still share a bed with me. One night we were spooning and I even told her this can’t continue if she actually starts dating my friend, she didn’t see the problem. I went away for my birthday and she arranged a date with this friend. Whilst on the date she rang me over 20 times and left 8 voicemails. She also slept with him. I was crushed. I woke up in the morning to two of my friends bursting into my room celebrating that my other friend had just lost his virginity to the girl I’d been in love with for years. Almost immediately my phone rang and I held it in my hand telling myself not to answer. It was her so I had to. She told me it was a mistake but never really said bc of me, that he was a virgin and she can’t really remember anything and was just ridiculously drunk. That she couldn’t even recall all the times she had rung me but that it was a mistake. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe she’d done that when I was right there. How could she just see through me. It wasn’t a week later and we were together. Don't know how or why. I was obviously pretty insecure about our relationship and she wasn’t that nice. She’d frequently allude to all the guys she’d had sex with and even once bragged about being the best at giving blow jobs after a night out with all our friends. I don’t have a dick how’s that attractive for your girlfriend who your in a lesbian relationship with. Sorry that one still hurts today. It’s just so gross an not feministic. Needless to say the relationship didn’t work out. After about 4 months I decided to move to the other side of the world. I had an opportunity to better my life and I had to take it. We broke up and I bettered my life. Got a career in childcare which I extended by getting a degree in child psychology. Achievements in different areas like learning to drive, losing 20kg of weight and becoming national championship boxer. I worked hard to become better bc I’d been so lost but I was bossing it tbh. She immediately started a relationship with said friend she’d slept with whilst we were starting things up. I was heartbroken again but also not surprised. It was like I didn’t expect her to date anyone else but him but still couldn’t believe she’d do that. I didn’t speak to her for a year, until I came home for a visit and saw her in the pub with her boyfriend (my old friend). She wanted to talk but I refused. Her friend even begged me to talk to her stating that, that was my girl and I needed to talk to her. Her bf was there for all of it. She eventually got me in the toilet were we spoke. It was a long night but to sum up she told me she still loved me in fact her exact words were if my boyfriend weren’t here I’d be taking you home but you left, you left me. I was going back a couple days later and it meant everything and nothing to me. I went back and carried on progressing my life. She decided to move in with said boyfriend and after a couple of months started having an affair with someone completely different where in which she got pregnant. She aborted the baby but needless to say the relationship with the boyfriend she’d cheated on was over. I always loved this girl and thought the whole her dating my friend was all bollocks. I had to believe she was pissed at me for not being more forward and then pissed that I left. I put it down to bad timing and if things had just been different. For the next few years she would message me but honestly I think only to see if I was over her or to torment me. For example we hadn’t spoken in over three years and I’d not long moved back to the country. She sent me a photo of her and my brother snuggled on a sofa. Wasn’t anything then her doing an extreme for a response. Just reminding me she can sleep with whoever she wants if she wanted. Or getting in touch and flirting one minute and then instantly telling me she’d met the love of her life. She knew how much I loved her, I’d got with her after she broke my heart not before. I finally realised that all that had happened had happened because she didn’t care not because she did. I moved on and got into a long term relationship. She got pregnant again with the same guy she’d cheated on her boyfriend with. This time she kept the baby. She says it’s because the abortion of the first was horrible, which I respectfully except as I could have no perspective on something so personal. She wasn’t with this man but was having his baby. At first he was unhappy. Told her she had to get an abortion and even threatened suicide if she didn’t and that she’d done it to trap him (this guy is some how a bigger tool then my ex friend). She went on to have the baby and after the little girl was born the fathers attitude changed and he really wanted to be involved and very much loves his child. They started sleeping together after the baby was born but she will insist it was convenience but obviously it wasn’t all that convenient. During this time I had my relationship which was great but had unfortunately come to an end. The relationship I’d had was great and incredibly respectful. Even the break up was good. It was 2021 and I had moved back to my home town for the first time since 2014. 8 years had gone by since I’d had my heartbroken. So much growth and time. Then I got a message from her. She seemed different. Probably bc I’d realised who I was to her so the power she had had been fizzling over the past few years. I was always hurt and disappointed because I thought she loved me but when I knew she didn’t, there was nothing to read into and be disappointed or hurt by. But I let the conversation happen and before I knew it everything I had learned about her feelings for me was reversed and we are in a relationship. I think I might be the worlds biggest idiot. The relationship is definitely better but I have very recently become aware of present issues in our relationship that I don’t know how to address. Now we've been dating for just under a year and although the relationship seems far better I can’t tell wether I’m reading into things bc of our history or wether I’m dead on and need to get out. If anyone has advice I’d love to discuss the issues in our present relationship. Thank you.
easyGrapes2832 profile picture
Am I an idiot?
Relationship Stress / by easyGrapes2832
Last post
 January 30th, 2022
...See more Me and my girlfriend have been with each other just under a year but we have quite the history. We went to secondary school together and I was in love with her, I didn’t realise. I was only 13 when we met as was she and I didn’t know my sexual orientation at this point although she knew hers. I was a homosexual and she was a heterosexual. I didn’t realise my feelings until after I realised I was gay she was just a friend I cared for more then any other friend, once I realise I was a lesbian I realised it was more then that for me. When I did realise I was about 17 and although I realised I had/had had feelings for her I didn’t ever think anything of it or anything would come of it as we had naturally stopped seeing each other after we finished school at 16. I just realised I was gay and had been in love with a girl from school. I mean we were close. I’d see her everyday outside of school. Was close with her mum and brothers. Honestly looking back it’s funny that I didn’t realise sooner how I felt about her. But as I’d said. When we left school she actually ended up in a serious relationship with a guy who was a physically abusive and just genuinely a twat. Then one day when we were 20 and some years had past we bumped into each other in the local town, shed ended it with the twat. She was with her step sister going to the park and she invited me to join, which I did. We got really close again but this time different. She would call me all the time, want me at her flat all the time. I thought we might be starting something up. She even had me stay over sleeping in her bed. I was nervous and excited but didn’t want to be reading into something that potentially wasn’t there. I mean after all I was the lesbian. She wasn’t. For the next couple weeks I thought something was starting but just couldn’t be sure. So I decided to go to some friends for advice. They told me to invite her to a party they were having and they’d help me figure out what her intentions might be regarding her and my relationship wether it was just friends or she wanted more like I did (seems sad to me now that I wouldn’t be self loving enough to just tell her how I felt and mange the response). After she left my friends told me I should go for it and the next day I was heading to hers to tell her how I felt (she only lived up the road from the party) When I rang to tell her I was on my way she told me one of the said friends had messaged her on Facebook and wanted to meet up, she said he seemed nice. I was a bit crushed but just relieved I hadn’t gone to her house and told her how I felt. We went out for a drink one night, not long after and she started flirting with said friend. Some perspective the friend was a virgin and a bit of a social loser, actually turns out he’d been a creep who sent unsolicited dick pics all over the place and would go to bars with other friends in hope to find drunk girls he could lose his virginity too (found out this information much later). So tbh I didn’t see it as a threat and arrogantly assumed she was trying to see how I felt by making me jealous and was pissed that I hadn’t made a move. But I didn’t want to be a part of games, I got annoyed as I’d had a bit to drink and it was harder to hide my feelings. I remember having an argument and leaving after we had gone back to hers. I was pissed that she’d been flirting with my friend after seemingly starting something with me. I went home deciding I had made a mistake and she obviously wasn’t into me. She rang the next morning begging me to come home. She even sent a taxi to come get me. My head was back spinning because although she called me back she never said why. She never said she wanted me just that she wanted me back. So I took the same stance as when I left, that I should probably distance myself from thinking there is anything there. She decided that she was going to date my friend which I couldn’t complain about, we obviously weren’t an item that’s just something I wanted. However she would still call me all day everyday still want me there and still share a bed with me. One night we were spooning and I even told her this can’t continue if she actually starts dating my friend, she didn’t see the problem. I went away for my birthday and she arranged a date with this friend. Whilst on the date she rang me over 20 times and left 8 voicemails. She also slept with him. I was crushed. I woke up in the morning to two of my friends bursting into my room celebrating that my other friend had just lost his virginity to the girl I’d been in love with for years. Almost immediately my phone rang and I held it in my hand telling myself not to answer. It was her so I had to. She told me it was a mistake but never really said bc of me, that he was a virgin and she can’t really remember anything and was just ridiculously drunk. That she couldn’t even recall all the times she had rung me but that it was a mistake. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe she’d done that when I was right there. How could she just see through me. It wasn’t a week later and we were together. Don't know how or why. I was obviously pretty insecure about our relationship and she wasn’t that nice. She’d frequently allude to all the guys she’d had sex with and even once bragged about being the best at giving blow jobs after a night out with all our friends. I don’t have a dick how’s that attractive for your girlfriend who your in a lesbian relationship with. Sorry that one still hurts today. It’s just so gross an not feministic. Needless to say the relationship didn’t work out. After about 4 months I decided to move to the other side of the world. I had an opportunity to better my life and I had to take it. We broke up and I bettered my life. Got a career in childcare which I extended by getting a degree in child psychology. Achievements in different areas like learning to drive, losing 20kg of weight and becoming national championship boxer. I worked hard to become better bc I’d been so lost but I was bossing it tbh. She immediately started a relationship with said friend she’d slept with whilst we were starting things up. I was heartbroken again but also not surprised. It was like I didn’t expect her to date anyone else but him but still couldn’t believe she’d do that. I didn’t speak to her for a year, until I came home for a visit and saw her in the pub with her boyfriend (my old friend). She wanted to talk but I refused. Her friend even begged me to talk to her stating that, that was my girl and I needed to talk to her. Her bf was there for all of it. She eventually got me in the toilet were we spoke. It was a long night but to sum up she told me she still loved me in fact her exact words were if my boyfriend weren’t here I’d be taking you home but you left, you left me. I was going back a couple days later and it meant everything and nothing to me. I went back and carried on progressing my life. She decided to move in with said boyfriend and after a couple of months started having an affair with someone completely different where in which she got pregnant. She aborted the baby but needless to say the relationship with the boyfriend she’d cheated on was over. I always loved this girl and thought the whole her dating my friend was all bollocks. I had to believe she was pissed at me for not being more forward and then pissed that I left. I put it down to bad timing and if things had just been different. For the next few years she would message me but honestly I think only to see if I was over her or to torment me. For example we hadn’t spoken in over three years and I’d not long moved back to the country. She sent me a photo of her and my brother snuggled on a sofa. Wasn’t anything then her doing an extreme for a response. Just reminding me she can sleep with whoever she wants if she wanted. Or getting in touch and flirting one minute and then instantly telling me she’d met the love of her life. She knew how much I loved her, I’d got with her after she broke my heart not before. I finally realised that all that had happened had happened because she didn’t care not because she did. I moved on and got into a long term relationship. She got pregnant again with the same guy she’d cheated on her boyfriend with. This time she kept the baby. She says it’s because the abortion of the first was horrible, which I respectfully except as I could have no perspective on something so personal. She wasn’t with this man but was having his baby. At first he was unhappy. Told her she had to get an abortion and even threatened suicide if she didn’t and that she’d done it to trap him (this guy is some how a bigger tool then my ex friend). She went on to have the baby and after the little girl was born the fathers attitude changed and he really wanted to be involved and very much loves his child. They started sleeping together after the baby was born but she will insist it was convenience but obviously it wasn’t all that convenient. During this time I had my relationship which was great but had unfortunately come to an end. The relationship I’d had was great and incredibly respectful. Even the break up was good. It was 2021 and I had moved back to my home town for the first time since 2014. 8 years had gone by since I’d had my heartbroken. So much growth and time. Then I got a message from her. She seemed different. Probably bc I’d realised who I was to her so the power she had had been fizzling over the past few years. I was always hurt and disappointed because I thought she loved me but when I knew she didn’t, there was nothing to read into and be disappointed or hurt by. But I let the conversation happen and before I knew it everything I had learned about her feelings for me was reversed and we are in a relationship. I think I might be the worlds biggest idiot. The relationship is definitely better but I have very recently become aware of present issues in our relationship that I don’t know how to address. Now we've been dating for just under a year and although the relationship seems far better I can’t tell wether I’m reading into things bc of our history or wether I’m dead on and need to get out. If anyone has advice I’d love to discuss the issues in our present relationship. Thank you.
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