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emilyv93
523 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts29 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceAugust 22, 2023
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I did my best
Relationship Stress / by emilyv93
Last post
 August 23rd, 2023
...See more My ex left me a month ago. He was saying I’m the love of his life, that I would be the perfect wife. I tried. I did all of the cooking, cleaning, errands, grocery shopping, took out the garbage, brought his water and meals to him in bed, got him dressed (put his clothes on for him) and took him to his doctor’s appointments, picked up his prescriptions… like I mean I did everything. He lied in bed all day. I had to help him shower. He lashed out at me that everything was my fault and I ruined his life. I know that’s a lie. He did not talk to anyone else. I had to get rid of all of the wine and his scotch, and I had to keep hiding the scissors. He cut himself in front of me just to terrify me. He passed out drunk and trashed the apartment. Then he blamed me. I tried to clean everything up, but it wasn’t fast enough or perfect enough. He broke the broom, and I didn’t find the time to replace it. He was hurting me sexually and I begged him to stop and he yelled at me to just marry a gay guy if I don’t like sex. He was about to jump off the roof of his building because another man flirted with me. I had him get taken to the hospital. He left me and I feel so vulnerable. I feel like nothing I do is ever enough. I’m exhausted from what he put me through. I already had PTSD. I am Bipolar 1. He also brought back my eating disorder by telling me that the medication I’m on for my Bipolar Disorder? “My friend got obese on that!” And I took it so seriously (even though he’s obese, himself). I went off my meds, was manic and psychotic, and my eating disorder came back. I got taking the meds again. 3 months of being manic is enough! And I’m so alone. Especially at night. I miss him constantly. and I realize these feelings of unworthiness, insecurities, that I don’t do anything right? From my alcoholic narcissistic mother. And my ex was the same way. They both treated me like I was a child! I don’t know how to get over this.
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