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emotionalDay
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PathStep 6 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceMarch 22, 2021
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Just unhappy
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by emotionalDay
Last post
 March 30th, 2021
...See more I'm super new to the app and I'll try to keep this to the point.... I'm 31, only in the last 4 months have I been officially labeled as bipolar by a psychiatrist, and it was only on a paper form in order to get an assignment extension. I've known since I was a teen that I was super depressed, had social anxiety, and had severe mood swings. I was diagnosed with ADD at 6 and medicated with ritalin and therapy til high school. I had what I didn't realize we're manic episodes in high school - just being ecstatically happy at the littlest things, getting caught up in things that I couldn't find a stopping point in, tv and internet addiction. In my 20s, it was sexual partners - only a couple were one night stands though. I took a lot of risks that were stupid, especially financially and with my education. Depression made it hard to fall asleep so I made myself exhausted during the day or fall asleep watching TV. Currently I'm medicated for depression, anxiety, and chronic back/hip issues. Lexapro, Wellbutrin XL, Gabapentin, propranolol and my birth control helps with severe depression during PMS. I found a new therapist after a month lull when I left my former of 2 years. My fiancee who I live with and love wholeheartedly sees a therapist himself (although it took more than encouragement to find a new one after a 4 year gap). We also decided to do couples therapy just to get a head start before marriage. I believe my fiancee might have an additional diagnosis besides ADHD and may have a drinking problem that exacerbates it. My current symptoms - -restlessness -irritability -lingering depression -short manic moments, maybe 6 hours at the most -lack of interest in most things -slight tv and shopping addiction -anxiety spikes, especially before bed Although I would never consider myself suicidal now or in the past, I would have reckless and really terrifying thoughts. Some have mentioned driving into oncoming traffic. I had that fairly often, especially when I was a courier. I think it's because it feels somewhat passive, like you don't really have to actively navigate the car in order for it to drift off course. And I had a history with fender benders and being passengers in car wrecks (never life threatening). It's a similar feeling like when you know something bad has been set into motion and there's no going back. You brace for impact, and just accept it. But I always knew that I wouldn't necessarily be the only victim. There could be other drivers and passengers that would get hurt, my family would be hurt if anything happened to me. But in those moments, you don't know exactly why but you feel compelled to do it and you feel almost apathetic about what could happen to you. And that's probably the best example I have of the impulsivity in Bipolar disorder.
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