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endofaugust2015
605 M Embraced 5
PathStep 102 Compassion hearts52 Forum posts65 Forum upvotes115 Current upvotes115 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2016 Member sinceAugust 22, 2015
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I'm so depressed that I envy the dead
Depression Support / by endofaugust2015
Last post
 October 20th, 2015
...See more I've been in physical, emotional, and mental pain my entire life. And on a daily basis everyone around me reminds of how useless I am. Many good people that have entered my life have died of cancer. And they were loved, they had families, and they died fighting for every last second of life. So of course they are remembered as heroes and angels. And they were surrounded by so much love and peace. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I WANT THAT. I want to die a hero. I want loved ones. I want peace. I want to switch places with someone that wants to live so that I can be released from this horrible place. I mean nothing, I have no one, I should never have been born. I want to die sometimes it's all I think about but I don't want to be remembered as a useless suicide. Since I was nothing in life I want to BE someone in death. I'm a 3x cancer survivor but every day I pray my cancer will return. I pray for the end of watching my friends die while I just sit here. YES I REALLY DO ENVY THE DEAD. How sick is that? This is the first time I've ever opened up about how bad my depression is. Sorry for the rant
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