Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
energeticBeechwood6414
108 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceAugust 1, 2024
Bio
Recent forum posts
energeticBeechwood6414 profile picture
Is this a healthy relationship? I'm panicking and obsessed!!
Relationship Stress / by energeticBeechwood6414
Last post
 August 3rd, 2024
...See more THIS IS LONG: So I posted this in a chat yesterday but the OCD I struggle with is making me need more reassurance/advice. This is long! But I feel is required for context. Thanks for reading! I am in the UK. I met my fiance 8 years ago while I was 18F and he was 27M (now 26 and 35). I initiated contact with him as I saw we had similar interests and values and wanted the same things out of a relationship. (I'd ask you to please consider judgement on him when taking note of his age as he was very sheltered, little dating/social experience and is possibly ASD.) I suggested we meet up for coffee to see how we got on. During the date we recognised that we enjoyed each others company but our age difference (rather the age I was at the time) could be a potential problem and some people could question that and we discussed it. We were very clear on respect and boundaries and were open and honest about the age gap from the start with our families. (Note: he didn't have any history of dating 18/19/20 y/o. The last brief relationships he had were close to his age give or take a couple of years.) And honestly aside from that, maturity was never an issue. Some family members questioned the age gap (as they should) but then any worries disappeared when they saw how we interacted with each other. I get on very well with his family and vice versa. At the time we were in similar stages of life, he was at Uni and I was at college studying similar subjects. We finished around the same time. He went back to living with his parents, and I lived with mine and we saved up money to move in together. We were also both unemployed and struggled badly with anxiety so getting a job proved difficult but in the end we both obtained stable jobs. (We agreed that it wouldn't be good to move in together unless we had stable income.) We ended up moving in together after 5 years. The year after, we adopted cats and in that same year, my partner proposed to me. Now after 8 years of being together we will be getting married. We have grown and matured together as individuals and as a couple. Our relationship moved slowly intentionally with the knowledge that I was younger and needed a little more time to come into myself. I lived my life the way I would have with him or without him. I truly love this man. He is a very gentle soul that would *literally* never hurt a fly. He has never risen his voice at me, belittled me, pressured me or retorted the ole "You're so mature for your age" BS. The purpose of my post is this: Considering the age that we met and the context I have provided, would you consider this a healthy relationship? It's just that I see a *lot* of posts online on almost all social media platforms that the age that we met is basically paedophilic and is always grooming without exception. Now my understanding is that there is nuances with everything but I will always acknowledge that *a lot* of the time the age that we met will be predatory and perhaps we are the exception to the rule. Because of my extreme anxiety and history of OCD behaviour (I have been in therapy for this but it has ended recently as I was doing well until these intrusive thoughts came in lol), I am obsessing over what other people think of us, our relationship and whether I am wrong. I think the pressures of planning the wedding have brought the anxiety on.
Search more from @energeticBeechwood6414
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
6 total badges
Hand Shake Linked First Post Reaching out First Compassion Bundled
Report an issue