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isolating myself

Depression Support / by enthusiasticAvocado4953

October 4th, 2021

...See more For 2 weeks now I've been really depressed, like more than I have before, but I've never experienced the need to be isolated like I have been recently. Being around other people is overwhelming, I just want to be alone. I NEED to be alone. I'm trying to fight my depression by doing at least 1 small thing a day so that I'm not just in my bed. But it's so exhausting and overwhelming when I also need to think about or be around other people. I don't go out of my bedroom if my family is in the kitchen or living room, it's just too many people. I always have my phone on me but I can't open any personal messages. My friend has been trying to reach out and is asking why I'm ignoring her but I just cannot answer. It's my best friend who I've always been able to go to to vent and tell how I'm feeling but this time I just can't. I want to explain to her but I just can't so she's taking this personally which I understand. I'm just so physically and mentally tired. I just don't have the energy to care, but I don't want to ruin the friendship and don't know how to approach this. Even in person I have a hard time speaking because my mouth is heavy and doing my homework is hard because it's hard to type with my hands, my fingers feel so heavy. My whole face is heavy and hard to move my face muscles to show expression. I was at a gym class this morning, a class I usually love but it was such a strain on my mind I had to stop multiple times out of frustration to stop myself from having an anxiety attack. How do I explain to my friend why I can't talk when I don't even understand myself? I know it's not healthy to isolate oneself especially when depressed but I'm just going to feel worse if I don't so I don't know what to do. I really feel like I need to be alone to get out of this but don't want to push anyone away by doing so.

Depressed once I adjust to situations

Depression Support / by enthusiasticAvocado4953

October 7th, 2021

...See more I have high functioning anxiety and on and off (high functioning) depressive episodes. I am seeing a therapist every 2 weeks mainly for my social anxiety. But I was wondering if anyone relates to the following and maybe has some answers for me? (I don't see my therapist for another week and am a little desperate). 1st year in secondary school (11th grade): I was motivated and excited and I loved it. 2nd year I start to get depressed and anxious, barely make it through 3rd year. I graduate (barely), feel good and start working full time. I get a job at a preschool because I like kids. End up liking the job. 4 months in and well adjusted, I start to get tired and depressed. I end up working there for 2 years depressed af. I sign up for university and quit my job. Feel great, all problems gone. I take a 4 week summer art course before school starts. I love it, can see a possible future pursuing art? 3rd week in, I get tired and it gets hard to show up. Rest of summer I just chill and feel bored but fine. University starts and I absolutely love it, find it so exciting, find love in studying. 3rd week (last week), I cannot show up to class because of mental fatigue and anxiety (not even to online classes). It's now the 4th week, trying to push myself to go to class (at least the online ones). This morning I managed it but 30 min in I got so tired, all I wanted was to log off. 30 mins ago I had another online class but every time I tried to log myself onto zoom I would burst into tears. Why do I get like this everytime I adjust to new situations? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I get so tired, mainly mentally. I lose all motivation, interest and excitement. I barely trust myself when I try to plan my future because of this happening. I'm not the type to quit and just give up once things get hard, I just don't know why this always happens to me. I'm getting tired of being tired all the time. I know the fatigue is mental, I eat healthy and exercise regularly, but even that is getting harder to do now. It makes me scared to do things that excite me in fear of them becoming a trigger to my depression soon after I start. I burnout over the slightest pressure. I just don't know what to do...

Weird vibes after travelling with friend

Anxiety Support / by enthusiasticAvocado4953

July 25th, 2021

...See more It's been 3 days since I came home from London with my best friend. It was our first time travelling together and also without our families. It went great and we were on the same page the whole trip. Her mom picked us up from the airport, I knew she was super tired after the trip home, we both were and I sensed it so we didn't really talk in the car. Then I thanked her for a great trip and that we'll see eachother tomorrow because we both had Covid test appointments at the same time and she said yes. Yesterday morning she texts me that she had already taken the test, I asked why she went so early and she said she just felt like taking it early, but she said it kinda coldly. The rest of the day we talked a little bit but her texts felt weird and uninterested. Yesterday I sent her a short text because I watched something that reminded me of an inside joke and I hoped she'd find it funny but she left me on read and then today the hotel sent me an email and I sent her a text telling her what they sent because it was important. It's been on delivered all day but I know she has her phone on her at all times. I am feeling like I'm being so clingy and annoying. I get that we were together for 10 full days which is a lot and people need time apart after a trip like this but something feels off. I have read blog posts about people never talking to their friends again after traveling together and this scares me. Should I give it a couple days before I say something? Am I being completely insane and obsessive thinking like this? She has anxiety herself so maybe she just needs distance for a while? But it feels clingy to ask if everything's ok after one silent day, like I expect that something has to be wrong for her to not talk to me for one day. But if that's the case, then why am I annoyed that she hasn't said that she just doesn't feel like talking? It's not like she's obligated to announce that to me...

Can't make any friends and getting tired of it

Anxiety Support / by enthusiasticAvocado4953

July 25th, 2021

...See more So I have always had a hard time making friends. Right now I have one good friend that I have had since 8th grade (I'm 21 now). I have been working full time for about 2 years now and I have made no new friends outside of work so my social life consists of myself and my one friend and even when I try making new connections nothing works. That friend also always claims that she has no friends and struggles to make friends but I have a hard time empathizing for her when she makes new friends all the time. We were working at the same job. Within a month after we started working there she had made 3 good friends and was hanging out with them outside of work already. I felt like I was super good friends with them too at work but never met them outside of work like she did (she was meeting them seperatly not all together). We did all go to see a movie last summer together but only because it was my friend that planned it. One of them invited my friend out to dinner a couple of weeks ago (we recently quit and she missed her and wanted to catch up) and she told me that she also used to sometimes meet one of them on weekends soon after she started working there. I was added to a group chat with them last summer but the only reason I was added was because my friend added me. I talk to them there but noone talks to me outside the groupchat like they talk to my friend (seperate converations about personal stuff). But today one of them randomly messaged in the group chat "are we still on for lunch at 15?" when talk of lunch had never come up in the chat before. We say all the time thing like "omg we have to meet for dinner soon or something we haven't seen eachother in so long!" but never do anything about it so this was really random. It's like they had talked about it on a seperate chat but accidentally sent it to this one which makes me feel like they wanted to meet up but not invite me. I also saw the other day a notification on her phone that she got a snapchat from a girl that literally started working at the job 2 weeks before we left and apparently they talk all the time now. We also bump into people she knows ALL THE TIME but still she constantly complains to me how she is so awkward and has no friends and noone wants to be her friend when people ask her for her socials within the first time meeting her and start talking right away. She rarely takes initiative it's other people asking her and she has so many friends. She meets up with people all the time but constantly complains to me how dry her social life is. To me... who she knows has literally one friend which is her. Like, I know she is saying it because she feels like she can trust me and talk to me about her struggles but I can't help but feel like it's a little selfish or something, it gives me the same vibes as when a skinny friends complains about how fat she is to her overweight friend (it's happened to me before so). I feel like I'm being as friendly and nice and interesting as I can to people I meet but there is never any interest in meeting me or talking to me outside of the situation we are in when we meet (for example work friends hanging out outside of work) and I am seeing all of these people becoming good friends right in front of me. Am I that unapproachable? What the hell am I doing wrong? Do I give off a vibe saying don't talk to me? I am trying so damn hard I even took initiative and sent a message to a person that I felt like a made a friendly connection with the other day but the chat was one-sided, short and awkward (on there side) and I really don't know what to do at this point. I am just so freaking lonely and my struggles are turning into resentment toward my friend which is not fair and I hate is happening because I know she means well I really do! please help...

omg I need advice asap

Relationship Stress / by enthusiasticAvocado4953

November 8th, 2020

...See more So almost 3 years ago I was 18, in college and in a really dark place mentally and I took it out on my two best friends that I had known since we were 2. We had literally gone though everything together, good and bad and they were the light in my life. But April 2018 out of nowhere, I started a huge fight about something stupid and before I knew it the friendship ended. Instead of taking the opportunity to fix it and apologize, I didn't answer nor speak to them for a whole year. April 2019, out of nowhere, I send each of them a long ass word document giving them an explenation. Long story short, no matter what I said, the fact that I completely stonewalled them for a full year hurt them even more than what I did in the first place. Too much time had passed, they had moved on with their lives and didn't want to fix things. A couple weeks later I apologized again, expressing how much they meant to me and thanked them for always having been such good friends and for all the memories. How honestly sorry I was that I had destroyed our friendship like this and respected that they didn't want to forgive me. So if they ever wanted to reach out later in life and be friends again, they could and I would be ready with open arms, no matter what. No reply. A couple weeks ago I deleted both of them off all my socials because it just opened the wound every time I saw an update from them and I really needed to heal. Fast forward to 6th November 2020. It's my 20th birthday, I'm at work and I get a message request on Facebook. It's one of my ex best friends. She said "Hi, I wanted to congratulate you on your big day, I see you've deleted me on facebook and Instagram so you probably don't want to hear from me but I wanted to tell you that I still care about you a lot no matter what and I hope you have a great today <3 " and I replied "Hi, thank you so much for reaching out it literally made my day! I unfollowed you guys because it was hard seeing updates because I miss you so much, I hope you uderstand. But thank you so much and also happy birthday to you the other day! I hope you had amazing day! I wanted to wish you a hb but I didn't think you would want to hear from me again. But I still care about you too so much and it feels so good hearing from you again <3 <3" and she didn't reply. It's been eating me alive literally I can't stop thinking about why she didn't reply, does this indicate she wants to maybe become friends again? Was this a "I'm still not ready to become friends again but I still care about you so happy birthday for now" thing? She didn't wish me a happy birthday last year so I don't know what changed. I really want to talk to her more and ask if she wants to meet up for coffee or drinks but should I just let her take control of the situation and see if she reaches out again later? I'm scared that if I send another message I'll come off too strong and scare her off again so I really need advice over here asap before I explode. I really have grown so much from this and learned so much from this and truly believe that I could be an awesome friend to them. What should I dooo????

Meeting an ex-friend for the first time since huge fight...

Anxiety Support / by enthusiasticAvocado4953

June 29th, 2019

...See more A little more than a year ago (April 2018), I had a huge falling out with two of my best friends that had been a 15-year long friendship (since we were like two years old) and we stopped being friends. This fight went through facebook messenger so the last time I physically met with them was in January 2018 before the fight. This fight was my fault because of my mistake and they were both very clear that they can never forgive me. A year later, aka, in April this year, I sent them a very long letter just explaining all of my mistakes and owning up to them and just things like that and they were PISSED that I had just cut off all connections with them for a whole year. One of them understood and was glad that I was owning up to what I did and was happy that I had come to an understanding of what I did was wrong. She said that she didn't see herself being able to forgive me but is happy that our friendship was ending on somewhat good terms. The other one, however, didn't give a fuck and just called bullshit on all of it and didn't want to hear from me ever again. The thing is, she just sent me a message on facebook asking me to return the things that she had lent me a couple of years back (some game controllers and things) because her little sister was asking for it. This means that I will have to meet her face to face for the first time since all of this and I am so nervous I feel like I could throw up! How do I act? Do I act cold? Do I ask for a hug when meeting her? Do I smile at her? Do I bring up everything and apologise again? I have such bad social anxiety that if she starts arguing with me, I WILL break down and cry, no doubt about it. I cannot argue face to face with people, I can't handle confrontations just ARGH FUCK WHAT DO I DO? I AM FREAKING OUT! Shit, what if she asks me to come to her house and give her parents the things? What if her parents ask me what the hell happened between us? What if they already know and tell me off when I see them? I could throw up I am so scared! HELP

I might've told my friend a secret that hurt her?

Anxiety Support / by enthusiasticAvocado4953

October 28th, 2018

...See more So in october last year I got invited to a birthday party from a girl that was in my friend group from high school (3 years since we graduated). She invited everyone from the old friend group except 3 girls. She asked me not to tell those three girls, two of them she didn't invite because they are toxic people that make everything about themselves and are just plain toxic people that she doesn't want to hold onto in her life, and the other she wanted to invite but she hadn't talked to her since we graduated so I guess she felt uncomfortable and shy toward her. She asked me not to tell them and I said I wouldn't tell. The thing is, that third girl that she didn't invite, because of not talking to for so long, is with me in college now and is my best friend. I felt really uncomfortable with-holding a secret from her like this but I rather kept it from her because the only thing that would come out of it would be that she would get hurt from it and feel left out. I was also worried that word would spread to those two other girls that weren't invited. Well last night, me and my best friend were talking and the birthday party accidentaly came up during our conversation and she asked why she wasn't invited and I had forgotten and said ''I think that you were in France, I can't remember if it was 2 years or 3 years ago but I think it was because she knew you weren't in the country so she didn't bother sending an invitation'' and I also told her why she didn't invite the others. Today she asked me out of the blue to send her the message that the girl sent me because she wanted to know if she had said that she was also a toxic person so I knew that she had been thinking about this since yesterday and felt hurt about the situation. Now she is really caught up on why she wasn't invited so I sent her the fb chat from when she asked me not to tell everyone and she feels quite hurt because the reality is that I hadn't talked to that girl since we graduated either so my best friend is just really confused and hurt and she has anxiety too so I know that she is overthinking this and probably also feels betrayed by the fact that I didn't tell her. Does anyone have any advice on what I could tell her to make her feel better? I sent her a message explaining everything, why I didn't tell her and all that but she is seening me and not relpying and I know that she probably feels horrible and this is eating her alive and I just don't know what I can say to make her feel better so I feel really helpless not being able to help my best friend.

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