Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
enthusiasticWater1632
167 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2018 Member sinceNovember 18, 2018
Bio
Recent forum posts
enthusiasticWater1632 profile picture
I feel so ashamed for feeling like this
Relationship Stress / by enthusiasticWater1632
Last post
 November 19th, 2018
...See more I met this guy online. He's a wonderful human being. I've never seen him, never talked to him outside of texting but I feel like I could fall for him easily. But I knew it was a lost cause seeing how we lived worlds apart. But he is a really good friend to me, almost on a best friend level so I was happy with having someone this wonderful in my life. But then he told me that he's gone on a date and it was really great. And then one date turned to many and suddenly he had a boyfriend (he's Bi) who he loves very much and who loves him just as much. I felt so jealous. It made me hate myself that I was jealous of my friend finding a good partner. And then came the sex talk. We're both very frank in that sense, we've talked openly about our sexual lives (he's much more experienced than me), and he started to tell me how wonderful the sex with his boyfriend was. Now I was jealous but at the same time turned on. He told me how they've been experimenting with different kinks and stuff and it all turned me on so much. I could actually get off on it. I felt ashamed. Here he was sharing in a friendly way and I was getting off on it. I felt disgusted with myself but I couldn't stop. Then a few days ago he had sex with his boyfriend again and told me how it all went (not in detail, unfortunately, he's not the heathen here I am), and how he discovered that he might have discovered that he likes light bondage apart from spanking too. Then he got talking of how wonderful it all felt and I was just left feeling this ugly mix of jealousy and arousal and I hated it. Then I made it all worse and just had to bring up this video I once watched where a guy came from just spanking and we got to talking about how it's amazing that some people can come untouched. And he told me he can. His current boyfriend made him come untouched. The mental image wrecked havoc on my arousal. And I thought it just might be sexual, that I'm just a sick person with some fucked up fetish but then he sends me these screenshots of his cute conversations with his boyfriend and I hate the ugly feeling I get. It all makes me almost wish I never met him.
Search more from @enthusiasticWater1632
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
8 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Honest Voice First Post Reaching out First Compassion Forum Friend
Report an issue