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espressos
16 3,070 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts108 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 7, 2025
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Help 😞 anxious about talking to psych about potentially having avoidance personality disorder
Personality Disorders Support / by espressos
Last post
 October 14th
...See more I want to start off by saying I am nineteen and I struggle with ADHD, GAD, and MDD so a lot of symptoms overlap and it gets confusing :(. It may appear ironic, but I feel completely paralyzed when considering what to say to my psychiatrist. I dislike vulnerability and cannot accept the idea of being “open.” I worry about her perspective, perhaps seeing me as someone seeking a diagnosis or attention. In reality, I want to understand what is wrong and to heal. I simply want to feel better. Since childhood, I have lived with this hypervigilance: stay quiet, avoid embarrassment, shut down, monitor, avoid trouble, avoid rejection. I continually watch others for shifts in tone or reactions to my words or actions. I cannot bear the thought of rejection; it hurts physically. Any minor criticism makes me fight back tears, shame overwhelms me. I have never been in a relationship, yet I deeply crave being loved and loving someone else. Others have liked me and I liked them back, but I was too afraid they might see me as bad or tell me they do not like me; I could never take that risk. It hurts too much. Now I am caught in this dilemma: should I describe my symptoms, say directly that I think I am struggling with avoidant personality disorder, or remain quiet and stay safe? Help please. 😞
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