everose83 Member Profile

...See more Hi all, I have been feeling lost for some time now and I am not sure what to do about it. It's nothing to do with my personal life as I have a lovely family, boyfriend and friends. It has to do more with my career. I wanted to give a bit of a background.. I worked in retail and after museums between 2017-2020, not including the lockdowns. In 2020 I've decided that I wanted to try to move into office jobs as I have been trying the years before but it was hard as I didn't have enough work experience. I come from an arts background, studied film, media, art and other subjects related to it in secondary and tried to go to university but it was very hard for me on a financial/mental health level as I am a foreigner in the UK and we get no support if we have not been for long enough. It didn't work out for me but I really enjoyed my first job as I had a very fun, friendly and nice team of people. However things changed over time because of the management changing several time and at the end I had to leave as I had a very controlling and horrible manager, unfortunately. I then changed into another role working for a film/photography agency and I thought I found the job for me, however the job advertised turned out to be completely different and it was in the end very much of a receptionist job which I could not handle as I was the first point of contact of external people and I am an introverted person who gets drained easily by too many work phone calls and being pushed to be someone I am not - my manager was always trying to push me to be this open and extroverted person that I am not. I left that job after only 4 months and other people did the same as well. At the time I was desperate to find a new job after 2 months or so of searching and ended up in a recruitment job. The first months were not bad and I felt rather fine even though my colleagues and I were extremely different and the only thing was that we had not much in common so it was hard to build a proper relationship with them. I stayed for a year in the end. My contract was extended after 6 months but towards the end there started to be several internal issues and people leaving for not having the right pay, which sort of happened to me as well. They decided not to extend my contract for a restructure of the team after they introduced a new system that basically took over my role but at the same time I felt like I didn't want to stay anymore as I was feeling very stressed out, stuck and just miserable all the time. Also something odd I have noticed and I am not sure if it is important is that I used to be a morning person, I could go to sleep early and wake up early without any issues, however after starting the job in the film/photography agency I started to feel extremely exhausted and being more of a night owl. Other things that I need to mention is that I lost my dad last year in September because of a tumour and because of that and work making me feel horrible, I have decided to start taking dance classes since last year November/December, which honestly have been life saving. I have always wanted to do it but I never had the courage as a child/teenager and even to this day they help me with managing stress and feeling happier. After that job ended, I have then got an opportunity to work with a family friend who works in film and lives abroad but was going to shoot in London for 2 days. Honestly up until that moment I felt rather depressed, like my life was not what I wanted and I was very dissatisfied and exhausted. Those 2 days have brought me so much joy and excitement in life that even my boyfriend said that he's never seen me this happy in a while. I was helping as a runner/coordinator. There was something about seeing the results of your work and being on set that made me feel so happy. Unfortunately though, those 2 days went quick and I had a week off before starting another job and I felt depressed again. I am working in digital marketing now, in events, for a company and it is mainly about online events. The first 2 weeks have been extremely hectic like I have never experienced, one meeting and training after the other, almost without breaks and I have been feeling very burned out as I just can't focus/learn things when I have 6-7 hours of this every single day. I have been here for a month and honestly I feel better in terms of colleagues as they are really nice and one of them has joined me in coming with me to the dance classes which is awesome. I made some progress but I am feeling again very lost and exhausted, a bit depressed, and it's just making me think is this normal - getting older (I am almost 25 and been working since I was 19) and just feeling like you are not excited about things anymore. I also sometimes get anxiety at night and morning before work. This is also why I started going to even more dance classes and doing more yoga/pilates at home as it helps me with managing everything. I usually try to do 1 hour of physical exercise every day, usually 3-4 days intense and the others lighter ones. However if I miss 1 day of it, because I'm too tired from work or even the past workout, I feel like I am feeling down again. I am not sure what to do as my dream is to work in films again, or alternatively in theatre or dance (not as a dancer as I am beginner and started at the end of last year and I am too old to become a professional, just to be realistic about it). I am not sure also why physical exercise has become so addictive to me, it's one of the only moments where I feel very happy - apart from when I am with my boyfriend especially and then family and friends. At the same time, though, I can't leave my current job like this, without having a concrete plan B. I am also too worried about my CV as I have usually stayed 1 year in most companies (when I worked in an office), apart from the film/photography agency and the retail jobs beforehand. If you have any insight or advice, I would really appreciate it, thank you!

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