foragingandfilesorting0109 Member Profile

...See more I decided to start therapy today. I have never done anything like this before and I was always scared of therapy. I have been recommended by a doctor multiple times and any time the doctor tries to give me medication i usually end up switching doctors. I have always had a rough past and have been through trauma but now I have a new challenge. The reason why I'm starting now is because I have come to a new chapter in my life. I work as a fulltime staffing coordinator at a nursing home so work stress has always been there but I was able to manage it well before I enrolled in school fulltime. I am taking my prereqs for nursing school and they are very intense classes with lots of home work and I have to commute and hour and half three days a week to get to school. I have been staying up for 24-30 hours at least one day a week to try my best to get my school and work completed even while doing that I still can not complete one single task. I am falling behind in work and school and don't have time to clean my house, take care of myself or my animals(6 chicken, 2 rabbits, 2 dogs) or spend time with loved ones and friends. *** I don't even have time to shower more then once a week. I knew it was going to be difficult but I am drowning and I fear I could get demoted at my job and fail my classes. Ultimately becoming a failure at everything I am trying to peruse. The one thing that makes me truly happy is hiking and being out in nature but I don't have time for that anymore and when I do make time for it. I become very upset and mad that I have to return to society and I just want to scream. I've always felt I am on the artic ocean and it was froze over slowly trying to make my way to land getting excited thinking that land was in sight but the closer you get it turned out to be a glacier but there was hope at least. Now the ice I was walking on has melted, and you just see the vast nothingness before your eyes that land is nowhere to be seen. Swimming takes more energy but I am still swimming trying to find land but every minute I'm swimming I get more exhausted there is no glimpse of hope. Its harder to find food while your swimming at least on the ice you would run into an opportunity to eat what a polar bear leftover. It takes more energy to do the simple tasks of taking care of yourself while swimming and trying to keep your head above water. Winter is coming and the ice will freeze over again nut this time my journey will end leaving me in the ocean below the ice. Sometimes I wish an orca would come find me and eat me because I will never give up but if something happened I would welcome it because at least if i die a failure and a disappointment, I wouldn't die a coward.

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