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forestfaoladh
272 M Embraced 2
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceJuly 7, 2019
Bio

19 | female | just trying to recover from years of relationship traumas

Recent forum posts
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Was I sexually abused?
Trauma Support / by forestfaoladh
Last post
 July 2nd, 2020
...See more So, for context, my boyfriend (who I now know is narcissist) recently broke up with me, and after talking to some of his other exes for closure, some troubling things have come to light. He's a pathological liar, pathological cheater, and he's sexually abused many girls. I never had any idea of any of this because he made crazy, outlandish stories about his exes & made me block them all when we first started dating. Anyway, I'm still struggling to figure out if what I experienced was sexual abuse or not. For me personally, he recorded me doing sexual acts without my knowledge or consent, he "surprised" me with new sexual acts we hadn't discussed to be "spontaneous", he physically hurt me several times during sexual activity, and he often tried to penetrate me and/or finish in me even though I told him multiple times I wasn't ready for that yet. (I was a virgin when we started dating for clarification. I guess I still technically am since we never went ALL all the way? It's confusing) While I know this definitely sounds like sexual abuse, the reason I'm so confused is because I didn't stop it. While I was manipulated into doing a lot of things I wasn't ready for, he also would stop what he was doing if I pushed him away or physically stopped him, I just... DIDN'T sometimes.
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Lost my bestfriend/requited crush(?)
Relationship Stress / by forestfaoladh
Last post
 July 14th, 2024
...See more Weve been great friends since we were about 13. We recently got kind of flirtatious, and it was obvious we both liked each other, but neither wanted to make the first move. Earlier this year, we had a fight about something irrelevant, and we did the typical Im not talking to you for a couple days thing. I had always been the first to talk and fix it in our past fights, so I decided to let him make the first move. Two weeks went by, and no word from him. I got tired of waiting, and I texted him first... I told him I felt like I was putting more work and compromise in the relationship than he was, so he just replied with fine. I guess thats how you really feel. After that, he started acting stand-offish, so I tried giving him some space. This went on for about a month. So, I tried fixing it AGAIN. I asked him if he was upset with me, as we werent as close as we used to be... he said no, I have no reason to be upset so I assumed he was being truthful. I tried texting him again, but all I got were likes or one word replies. If I got a genuine conversation it was a miracle. this went on for 2 more months. Last week I finally blew up at him and he just kept gaslighting me. I found out from a friend that the reason for his new behavior was due to our original big argument, where I said I felt like I was putting more into our relationship. Apparently after that argument, he gave up on me. We used to say I love you every night :(
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#SelfCare after a bad depression relapse
Depression Support / by forestfaoladh
Last post
 September 26th, 2019
...See more I think Im finally starting to escape this bad depression rut, so Im making a list of things that I do to make myself feel more myself. I repeat these as much as possible until I start feeling me again. Feel free to add on :) • get a haircut! I tend to neglect my hair during a bad relapse, so I always end up with a lot of split ends. • get your nails done! you dont have to get them painted! Just getting them cleaned up feels so much better • plan an outing with your friends (even if you dont necessarily feel like it!) Getting out of the house and doing something fun will help! • start a new book or tv show • eat a healthy dinner • go to bed early • do something creative! Even a simple DIY will work! • journal! I personally recommend starting a dream journal, or a gratitude journal
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Balancing work life and mental health?
Depression Support / by forestfaoladh
Last post
 April 7th, 2020
...See more I recently graduated high school, so Im trying to ease my way into adulthood without too many mental health bumps.. graduating has been pretty hard for me in all honesty. Ive been going through a lot of extremely depressive and anxious episodes with all the plans about college, friends leaving, breakups, etc, so while I DO want to try getting my first job, Im nervous about how to handle it. Does anyone have any tips?
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Thrown away?
Relationship Stress / by forestfaoladh
Last post
 July 10th, 2019
...See more I struggle to make true friends. I love people VERY deeply, so Ive always had a hard time with the whole friends come and go thing... Ive always been relatively popular, but eventually they always leave me, no matter how close we are. Not that Im COMPLETELY alone, Im really close to my family, and I have 1 bestfriend that I trust wont throw me away, but that doesnt make the rest hurt any less. I feel like I always give little pieces of myself away to these people, and when they stop caring, I just feel empty. Does anyone else feel this way? I know I need to start accepting that casual friendships are ok, but I can never stop myself from getting too attached. I just hate the feeling of always caring about others more than they care about you... It honestly hurts more than someone hating you. At least if they hate you, they care about you at ALL. Being forgotten is far worse... Its not even like I let people in that easy, either. Im a fairly cynical person, so it takes a while for me to really warm up to people. Are people just treating me like some kind of challenge? Lets see how long it takes for me to warm up to the closed off girl, and then leave when I get bored?
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