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frankSpruce5771
1 919 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 20, 2023
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Avoiding communication , of hidden reasons for damaging family relationships.
Relationship Stress / by frankSpruce5771
Last post
 February 27th, 2023
...See more my sister had planned a vacation trip this year with e to make up for missing out last year (She kept avoiding me because "It wasnt part of the plan" , but managed to spend half a day together in the end, still I feel she is hiding something that is severely damaging our relationship and my relationship with my niece and nephews.) as the time came up for this year, the trip that is supposed to make up for lost time, I couldnt get a hold of her so I went to my sisters , she told me she couldnt go cause of her new job and that her family wasnt going without her. I said "Is it wrong to leave someone behind? she didnt really answer that question , she only repeated her family wasnt going without her . She said she was mad I showed up without asking, as if I hadnt been trying to contact her for 6 weeks and had no reason to reach out. and I dont think her husband knew my sister and i were planing on it (we did spend a week or two talking about it, and I think she meant it at the time) I think my sister might have genuinely forgot and then was avoiding talking about how she cant go. She said she "felt cornered" that I was there , went to her bedroom, texted me she was very upset and came into her space univited , and had no nice words at the momemt. (Making no comment about how she has been not responding all this time and blowing me off.) She said she was literally hiding in her own house so she does not lose control of her emotions. (Maybe I should have asked her to let out all her feelings?) she said I was mad for showing up. I told her I was trying to communicate and bring gifts, she said "no you are doing what you want to do" when I ask her "I dont want to communicate and bring gifts?" she did not answer , only saying I was being rude to show up after being told not to without asking. and that "I was disrespecting her family and her marriage" This doesnt even seem connected to marriage at all, and my nephews were happy to see me, and grandmother she has over regularly for weeks were certainly happy to see me.my niece has increasingly been more and more cold, also not telling me why, and saying "nothing is wrong" but not cold to the rest of the family,they wrestle, talk, cuddle, play spankthebooty tag (IDK) , laugh, eat, and all that normal healthy stuff people do, but treats me like she hates me,wont even look at me most of the time, and we used to be so close, that really hurts, these things make me feel like my sister she is projecting her negativity onto everyone else about me, or maybe its coming from somewhere else onto her, and everyone else, a negatively that I dont know where its coming from that seems to only apply to me, its not fair and I think we should work on it, but I dont know her reasons. Since she mentioned her marriage, which to me seems to have absolutely nothing to do with coming by to communicate, and her blowing me off , I asked if her husband was pressuring her to avoid me for some unknown reason, and she simply said it wasnt about her husband. She said " I know you want to have a relationship with us, we are family and can have one, but not the close one you want" .... her reasons are usually that "she is busy" , which doesnt seem to stop her from doing all these things without me, or doing it with other people inside and outside of our family, and I think she is avoiding the reason for being treated differently. She said we have boundaries you need to respect (Which I have been trying to very hard to respect that "Dont come over without asking me first" "boundary" but its really difficult when she doesnt answer, and does things with everyone else, leaving me feeling very very hurt and alienated. And it doesnt need to be this way. She then went into a longer monologue saying "I need you to do this with your life" stuff that has nothing to do with her an I, where I work, saying Im going to live in my car or something.... stuff that is so far off topic and avoiding the real issue of whatever is leading to her treating me as a black sheep. She then said "You should get on a housing list, there is a 3 year wait" .... like.... wtf? "its hard adulting stuff but you have to do it" she seems to leave me out of everything except thanksgiving and christmas, I feel like strangers to my niece and nephews , and my sister, (Not to mention her introverted husband that makes creepy leering stares and weird comments when I get included in cuddle time) and occasionally a random other event every few years, graduations, Halloween, 4th of july, going out for dinner, apple picking, movies, walks, camping, snow days, sleep overs, nearly all the birthdays, basically everything. she says shes busy.... but apparently not too busy to go with other people..... does anyone have any ideas that can help get to the root of this cause and help mend our continually decaying relationship that effects not only us but the rest of our family?
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