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friTATA
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 26, 2024
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An unhealthy friendship
Friendship Support / by friTATA
Last post
 June 1st, 2024
...See more So I used to have this friend, who we will call C. Me and C used to be in 6th grade together, where I straight up asked him to be my friend, and he accepted. I drew pictures of squirrels for him, because he loved squirrels. However, I used to enjoy feeling superior to him and like I was less weird then he was. I am ashamed of that.  Then online school happened, and we didn’t keep in touch, but my female friends liked to make fun of him.  Fast forward to 9th grade. In a group chat, he openly talked about having a girl pinned to a wall, so I left because I thought he didn’t respect women. He has this habit of flirting with random people (mostly girls) and later told me it was just one of his personas.  In 10th grade, we started bonding over our shared interest in Gacha games. I used to tease him a lot. But I didn’t do it to make him feel bad, I did it because it made others laugh, and he’s used to making himself the butt of the joke. Now I realize that it’s not nice to always be the butt of the joke. We sometimes talked about personal things, and sat together in class. I considered him a friend and hung around his friend group a lot. However, whenever they would schedule a meet-up, I was never invited. Friend G asked if I could join and stood up for me, but friend C said that I was just barging into conversations uninvited. I was really hurt. I then blocked him on ***.  In 11th grade, on a school trip, we played a board game together. He asked me to sit with his friend group, and I finally felt accepted. He added me to the group chat. I chatted a lot. I admit, I made some dirty jokes (but having anyone be the butt of it), and I made fun of C a lot. I also fawned over some female video game characters, because some of us played the same gacha games. I also swore. I used to make fun of him a lot, but eventually felt bad and promised to stop doing it so often, which I tried to. He told me to stop swearing, and keep the talk of gay ships and dirty jokes down. Everytime I mentioned liking a certain ship, he responded with “why must everything be gay”. I don’t complain about his m/f ships. I obliged to the stopping of swearing, and dirty jokes, because I could see why they made some people uncomfortable. I didn’t understand why he was complaining about me talking about anything LGBTQ+ related, or about gay ships. I thought it unfair, when he openly talked about his m/f ships, and I simply let them be. I confronted him about this, and he admitted that he should have let it be, while also saying that he cannot agree to this, because he is a “strict Roman Catholic”. I left the group chat after the argument. Later, he told me that he’s talked to many adults and made the decision that we can’t be friends. He said that I victimized myself, started arguments, and my actions were going against his faith. I listened and said okay. Later that day, I cried and vented to my sister and mom. My sister said that he was right about me victimizing myself. I then broke down, talking about how I wanted to be loved and cared for. I have always felt unloved and lonely, and want support for that. I then resolved to try to become a better person and not victimize myself. I consulted a blog for advice, because I asked my sister where I should start, and she just told me I should just stop being a victim. I didn’t understand exactly what that entailed.  I talked to my other friends about this, and they told me they still wanted to be my friend and that I could still learn to fix my flaws, and that would take a while. 
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