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friendlyCherry1590
3 66 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceFebruary 11, 2025
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I feel lost
Relationship Stress / by friendlyCherry1590
Last post
 February 17th, 2025
...See more I was groomed for years when i was a teenager and then I decided to be alone for years because i couldn't trust anyone and i also had a fear of getting STDs. I moved to another country when i ws 23 and since then everyone was pressuring me to go in a relationship so i wouldn't be lonely. I finally found a guy at 25, he wasn't my type but i told myself i shouldn't judge a book by its cover etc... we got close relatively fast i met his family and friends and we had a good relationship and I lost my virginity to him. Being with him also made me aware overtime that he has so much childhood trauma regarding his parents and he's also not a person with great morals but it was already to late because at the same week i broke up with him i got my first genital herpes outbreak. I found out he knew he has herpes but just decided not to disclose it to me and the day we has sex he knew he's having an outbreak but decided to ignore that because for him his own satisfaction was more important than my feelings and future. Now I feel like I've never been loved and never be loved either. He treated me like a piece of toilet paper and now I'm stuck with his gift forever. I'm not evil like him so i want to disclose it to my future partners before sex but i just know I'll face so many rejections because of it. Like people will ignore all my good features and achievements only because of something i didn't choose to have. I feel pretty lost in my life. All my life plans were revolving around me wanting to have a family and kids by my 30s but now I'm not even sure if i would ever be able to find a decent partner for myself. I feel like he stole my future and my life and my choice from me and it being my first intimate experience makes everything even worse. I don't think I would ever be able to recover from this and have a healthy happy relationship ever again...
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