gadster1997 Member Profile

...See more I usually am not one to talk about this. I now know that I am in denial thinking that I am fine and I could move on with my life accordingly. Growing up, I had little contact with girls. It wasn't because I didn't have the courage to, it was because I went to an all boy middle school and high school. I didn't think of it at the time because I had friends that I grew up with and spend quality time with for over 8 years since middle school. My best friend( lets call him John) first hit me up asking me to go on a double date with him. I was curious as to why since we agreed to just mess around on the newly found app tinder. Things started getting serious apparently and being a good friend, I agreed. Till this day, they are still toghether and I am proud/ happy for him. Backtracking to moving day in college, I felt a sense of freedom I didn't have and realize all the attractive women in college. I was never exposed to such exposure up until now. I already went through puberty ( I believe since I was 18 years old at that time). FIrst year in college, I formed a core group of friends and created alot of memories that I can look back on. Fast forward to second semester of freshman year, my friend Anna told me about this girl name Sarah who requested to follow me on insta. Since I wanted more girl friends than guy friends ( considering that I went to an all guy school for 8 years) I inclined to meet her at the superbowl event. This entire time, the stigma of losing my virginity was apparent every day while I was in college. I felt like I was obligated to, also being influenced by my best friend John since we talked about losing our virginity in college.( That was before he met his now girlfriend of 3 years.) ME and Sarah started hanging out alot more. I intended to just lose my virginity to her and thats it. But as time went by, I thought about it less and less and more about her as a person. We eventually became girlfriend and boyfriend. I met her parents over the summer. We laughed and enjoyed each others company. We facetimed and talked atleast once every hour. I was beginging to think thats how love was like. I couldnt stop thinking about her. As the summer started to come to an end and second semester rolled around, I started to not see her as I used to. I started, once again, was thinking about losing my virginity. I wanted to rush it so I couldnt keep thinking about it. That was my flaw.( we eventually tried to but I only went partially in so I doubt that counts.) We eventually started getting into arguements. I started getting jealous but for the right reasons. SHe would always look at football/ or basketball players and ignore me whenever I talked to her. I am a very observing person and I couldnt get that out of my head. One weekend night, she went over to talk to some guy and stopped the conversation we had in the middle of me talking to her. I was really angry. Thats when it went in a downward spiral. I broke up with her abruptly and blamed my schoolwork as the reason why I didnt have time fore her. It was partially true though. WHat she said during our break up hit me though, she said if I really loved her, I would make way to have time for her. I was mad that she said that since I did make time for her in the expense of my grades. SO we broke up and I lost my core group of friends from first semester. the friends that introduced me to Sarah. That took a toll on me but I eventually found new friends and still had my roommates. My roommate ended up dating the girl I wanted to get to know but I was happy for him. My second roommate also had his first girlfriend too. They would always come into the room and sleep over. I would occasionally get sextiled. I eventually agreed to moving into my suite mates room so I wouldnt be sexiled anymore for next semester coming up. Them being there did not help me because I only broke up with Sarah 2 months ago. I deleted my old core group and sarah from snapchat because I couldnt bare seeing them. I felt like they hated me and I feel like a dick for breaking up with such a sweet girl. I know I broke her heart and it hurts knowing that. So I tried reaching out by readding all of them and refollowed Sarah on insta. She did not want anything to do with me. I tried countless times but to no avail. So I gave up. My roommates after I broke up with Sarah said I needed a rebound. So I sought for one to try and forget about Sarah. That didnt work out nor did I have sex with them. I am now talking to this girl in my math recitation but I think she sees me as a friend but I have made my intentions clear of how I like her( I think). So here I am, alone on Christmas eve. Everyone I know is in a relationship and I feel really sad( I dont think I'm depressed) that I don't have someone to talk to and share my affection with. I let my hormones ruin my first relationship. Than again I cant blame my hormones. It is my fault. Going into the new years..all alone

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