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gentleEast8898
3,393 M Seeking Light 1
PathStep 77 Compassion hearts236 Forum posts201 Forum upvotes182 Current upvotes182 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceMarch 24, 2021
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This feels unbelievable
Family & Caregivers / by gentleEast8898
Last post
 September 24th, 2021
...See more My mother has been widowed a few months. My dad was loving but difficult in many ways. My mom started dating and immediately got taken in by a scammer who she sent stuff to overseas. 3 weeks ago today she started talking online to this new guy she's dating. 2 weeks ago today was their first date. Today she tells me they're going to get married in the spring, that he hasn't proposed but they've talked about it and it's certain. She's given me clues to think he is very hard up. She is not. He would move in with her. I believe she is continuing a lifelong pattern of being used by men. But I promised a week ago to stop trying to talk her about these things so I am just trying to be cool to her face. So, I think either: 1) the Universe intervenes, or, 2) I have to leave her to her consequences because she's tired of hearing people's opinions.
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Thoughts about lashing out
Family & Caregivers / by gentleEast8898
Last post
 September 8th, 2021
...See more My mother has been slowly burning me over an emotional issue that I have stated my feelings on many times. I have used therapy tools to stay calm and respectful and to listen to her needs. After a month of the daily issue, she acted on this and I finally lost my cool, hit the roof and said nasty words to her. Later, I apologized and we talked it out...again. On later reflection, I have to say that it bothers me immensely that people are never supposed to get to a point where we lash out, otherwise we are in the wrong. I understand why every other tool has to be used first but why do we have to apologize when pushed into a corner, that we were mean at that point? This makes me very upset, as it seems a powerless, no-win set of circumstances.
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A Milkshake Won't Help
Eating Disorder Support / by gentleEast8898
Last post
 September 3rd, 2021
...See more This week I stopped my mother from being a used y a scammer - a person who met heron a dating site, got her to fall for him, then concocted an elaborate story resulting in him asking her to send an iPhone and Mac Book to Africa. She is very intelligent but somehow feel for it. We stopped the shipment and talked through everything for 3 days. She had a lot of realizations and was surprised at herself for falling for it and blocked him, as well as reporting. Then yesterday she decided she had to validate him, that her feelings had to have been real, re- contacted him and wired him funds from her bank account. Even the bank teller warned her this is a common scam. Fast forward through a huge blow up between us (after weeks of calmly talking about bimand days of talking out the scam,I snapped,I will admit - this has been apologized for) and panic attack on my part, calling another,calmer and wiser family member for reinforcement, calling the guy and warning him off and my mom breaking down sobbing over her behavior. ***Supposedly*** she has learned her lesson but how can I believe it?? So, all I want to do right now is shove food inmy face and guzzle a milkshake...but my body shouldn't have to pay!!!! No stress eating, it won't solve anything!!!
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Alone with food
Eating Disorder Support / by gentleEast8898
Last post
 August 27th, 2021
...See more I'm suffering. And I just want to eat so I don't feel this bottomless void that has opened up inside me. As if somehow I could fill that hole with food, fill the emotional hole by feeding my physical being. But I know that although it seems like the hole is inside me and could be filled if I stuffy body full of food, that really the hole is in my emotional world and has nothing to do with anything I can fix in the physical world. So, I am here sharing instead of eating. My home life has taken another bad turn after a chaotic first half of the year. My one remaining parent is changing personality in response to the turmoil. Talking things out - several times - with this parent has been good in one way but has brought no change. I am alone in this issue. Not alone in life, not alone in terms of receiving love and support, but alone in how to live with this issue. And in the past, that has always been my signal to eat like crazy.
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Beyond Angry
Relationship Stress / by gentleEast8898
Last post
 August 27th, 2021
...See more It has been a long road of healing since my father's death a few months ago. My mother and I have been there for each other and talked over everything under the sun. But now, less than half a year later, she wants to date again. At first, I was supportive. I even helped her think and talk through it, and I really meant that I was okay with it. What I didn't anticipate was that she would get exclusive with someone immediately. After decades of marriage, I thought she would be more cautious and try a few casual dates and see what the dating world is like now, carefully. That's what she said she wanted. Instead, she talks every day with a man she just met and says she wants to talk to no one else. We have talked about our feelings over this and I have been honest, as has she. We have had good realizations and helpful points made on each side. But the decision she made is that nothing is going to change in her behavior. So, I have been working on my attitude and making some progress inwardly. But I still feel a huge rage toward this man because he knows how recently my mother was widowed and immediately asked: 1) to be exclusive; 2) to talk every day; 3) if she would consider living with him in the future (after only knowing each other for 2.5 weeks). She won't see these points as problematic and we have talked through them fully, more than once. So, I have decided to step back and respect that she is making her own choices in her own life. But I have rage, as I said, and I have no idea how to be okay with this.
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Feeling alone
Journals & Diaries / by gentleEast8898
Last post
 September 8th, 2021
...See more I've been fighting with my mother a lot recently, which is new for us. My father passed in March and my mother and I always got along great until then. Now, the extreme adjustments are making us essentially re-learn each other and there's new tension. She's also met a new man, not really meaning to, it just happened. She isn't trying to rush into moving on, it just so happens that this guy came along a few weeks ago and they are really clicking. So, we've had some tough talks about that. Ultimately, I am learning to be supportive, after expressing concerns. Besides, it's her decision. But I'm here writing and sharing because I feel quite alone in this. Additionally, someone I love has been radio silent for two months, the summer has brought legal issues and very costly maintenance issues...so I'm just generally feeling quite low and alone. Thank you.
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Deeply concerned and
Family & Caregivers / by gentleEast8898
Last post
 August 27th, 2021
...See more My father has only been deceased for five months and already my mother is trying to date again. She is a good, kind, thoughtful woman who is simply concerned that if she waits too long then she will never have the courage to move on. And my father was a very difficult man as well. So, in one way, I understand. I told her that it is her choice and that I support her, and I believe that, in my head...but in my heart I am struggling. It feels much, much too soon. Also, because she has not dated in decades, she isn't sure what's expected and thinks she should be exclusive with someone right away, which really, really worries me about her judgment and makes me feel strong animosity to the man who she is talking to, despite the fact that he is probably a decent person. He knows how recently she was widowed but regardless he has asked if they can talk every day and says he only wants to talk to her and nobody else (romantically speaking). When my mom started to question her choices she asked for my honest opinion and I gave it, which led to a huge talk and good things, as well as to her deciding more firmly what she does and does not want right now. But she's still talking to that guy and I am not succeeding in feeling okay with it in my heart.
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