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ghosttiger100
4,153 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts257 Forum posts45 Forum upvotes103 Current upvotes103 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceMarch 14, 2018
Bio

I have been struggling with my mental health for a while now and finally want to overcome it.

Recent forum posts
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Whats wrong with me???
Eating Disorder Support / by ghosttiger100
Last post
 January 3rd, 2021
...See more Im pretty sure I have OSFED/EDNOS although im not diagnosed. I go through binge eating periods almost once a day. Sometimes I just feel guilty and I dont compensate, but there are other times where i starve myself in order to compensate for the binge. I feel so horrible. Sometimes I also go through phases of restricting for super long periods of time and ill lose like 20 pounds in a month. I just dont know what to do.
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TW: Im a sexual abuse survivor.
Trauma Support / by ghosttiger100
Last post
 November 20th, 2020
...See more The first time I was raped was by my step cousin. I was 5 and she was 8. She forced me to do horrible things that still scar me to this day. I had no choice and was totally forced. But although she did this to me I dont blame her as she was a victim herself and was most likely acting in reaction to her own sexual abuse. The second time I was raped was by my own father. I was around the age 6 or 7 and it happened so fast. I dont remeber barely any of it except the pure emotional and physical pain that I felt. It still amazes me that my father did that to me and went on acting like nothing happened, acting like a perfect father. The third time I was raped, I was around the age 8 or 9, maybe even 10. I was in my fathers bedroom with him and it happened. Just like the first time he did it to me I dont remeber much except the physical and emotional pain. The fourth time I was aroun 12 or 13. I was home alone again with my dad and he did it to me. It happened super fast but since I was older I remeber more about this time. More images. I remeber what he was wearing, the blanket I was sleeping with. But above everything was the pure mistrust and pain. I forgot all these events until I was around 15 due to dissociative amnesia, a coping mechonism the mind uses when memories are far to painful. These memories eventually got triggered and slowly I started to remeber them all. Im still in the process of remebering these memories and will probably remember more in the future. I just needed to write this all out as my own form of therapy.
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Unofficial BPD diagnosis.
Personality Disorders Support / by ghosttiger100
Last post
 October 22nd, 2020
...See more I just got unofficially diagnosed with bpd. I had an assessment with some counselors so I could switch mental health offices. I told them everything and brought up my concern about borderline personality disorder. They confirmed that yes I do have 'bpd traits" but they personally dont want to diagnose me util im 18 (im 16 btw). This is basically their way of saying "you have bpd but we dont want to diagnose you yet". So now on top of everything else I have bpd. I feel very validated that I wasnt looking to much into things, but it still hurts that I couldnt get an oficial diagnosis just because of my age. But in the end im still getting treatment for my bpd and thats all that matters.
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