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goldenJar97
137 M Embraced 1
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceApril 1, 2023
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Being stuck with a job that I love and living with people I love
General Support / by goldenJar97
Last post
 April 5th, 2023
...See more I'm not so good with the words, so please bear with me I feel like I'm stuck in this same spot in life and I have no decent way to get out of it. I live in a small rural town, I've lived here virtually my entire life. I went to school here and grew up here. I work as the greenskeeper for the local 9 home course and as I said I love it, in fact this is the start of my 15th season working there by my estimate. I'm turning 33 in May, started there when I was 18. The last couple seasons I've been very angry with my employers over the way I felt the board and other employees treated me, basically I felt as if I was still seen as the 18 year old kid that didn't know anything. In addition to that, I started to think about the way I've damaged my own body working for them, I get no benefits and I earn less per hour than a starting wage at McDonald's, but I get a generous bonus every winter when I'm laid off. My county is very rural and there aren't many jobs to be had around here, so I feel kind of lucky that I work in the town that I live in, but it also gives me a sense of doubt that I could find another job in a timely fashion. I quit my job in a bad way at the beginning of march. I decided I had no other way out of my job and I had some very negative opinions about my new boss. The communication between us was non-existent so I quit via text and blocked every number in my phone associated with the golf course. One of the board members got in touch with me and I agreed to meet with him and a couple others and I more or less clammed up and said almost none of what I wanted to, and in the end I agreed to come back to work. I'm angry with myself for not getting the words out, but I'm relieved and happy to start another season there, and at least for now the members and board seem to be talking to me at eye level instead of talking down to me. The family side of life is dysfunctional at best. My mother who is in her 60s is raising my eldest sisters' three children. Sis is still alive, but just not willing to be in her kids lives, basically she just left the kids at moms house and left with her new man. Without getting too far into the dirty details, Moms never been able to get guardianship despite several attempts, so she has no rights to the kids and the kids have to live without access to their social security cards or birth certificates so we can't even change their doctors or dentists to somewhere closer to home. They can't get drivers licences without their mothers consent and many other things they arent able to do because of the situation. Several years ago my mother asked me to move in with her because she needed help. I agreed, I lived 3 or 4 blocks away anyway in an apartment so I didn't see much of a difference. Between both of our work schedules we raise my sister's children. I just didn't see my life being like this. I had a plan that I wanted to work and save up my money and move out of this town and far away from this state, and now I actually have enough that I could do that, but I'm freaking stuck here with responsibilities and obligations. If I leave now I'm abandoning my family, my mother and my niece and nephews, and I feel a strong sense of obligation to them. I love my family more than anything and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. But I'm living with this want of something I've dreamt of and worked toward for years but I cannot have and will not take as long as I'm needed here. I hate being here with every fiber of my being, but I cannot leave and still feel like a decent human being.
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Don't blame me, I'm new
General Support / by goldenJar97
Last post
 April 1st, 2023
...See more Been looking for a place to vent some of my frustrations. I have nobody in my life that I can vent to and I'm tired of keeping it all to myself, and my dog doesn't give good advice.
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