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greenCherry7494
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceMay 31, 2018
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Father (64) feels pitty for my partner to be with me - issue between father and adult child
Depression Support / by greenCherry7494
Last post
 July 15th, 2023
...See more My father apparently thinks it's annoying to be around me and not a pleasure and that being with me is a burden. He always makes comments about it to me and my partner (or in the past to my expartner). I feel like it's toxic to hear snidy remarks all the time and it unconciously starts to affect after a while... The last years I lived in different countries,so there was not a lot of contact,but I moved back and I have to find a way of dealing with it. I've history of chronic depression,so it's important to take care. Does anybody have an input to why my dad is doing that? Why doesn't he like me? Why does he feel the need to tell me and my partner that they're suffering with me? Some background. His mom was a mean, dominant woman. He is a dominant person who cannot talk about emotions at all. I know he loves me, he was crying sometimes that I was living far away and missing me, he would run to my help if I would need money,if I'm in trouble or if I need physically help like with moving, renovating, etc. My mom is definitely the submissive one, but has a complaining and whining character. I'm a lot more like my dad in terms of, I organize things, I have interests and pursue them, I don't enjoy caretaking of others and typical woman tasks too much (like babysitting children, cooking in every day life, cleaning, doing laundry,etc). Don't get my wrong, I taught my husband how to cook, I pick almost every day clothes up that my husband left on the floor, I'm great with children and if I'm around small children, I'm the one who's playing with them... But for example in every day life my husband usually cooks or does the laundry, I decide mostly what we eat or what we do in the afternoon or on the weekend... Again, don't get me wrong, I'm not forcing something on him. He asks me "what do you like to eat? What do you want to do?" And mostly doesn't have own suggestions if I ask him. Sometimes my suggestions are focusing on his interests and tastes, sometimes more on mine,but we agree together on plans. I can be hypersensitive and cry. My dad makes comments like "the poor guy, he's not getting any space? Is he even allowed to be some hours away?" "He has to do everything, you don't serve him anything" "you don't have any empathy for him, you're egoistic" "you just want yours" "he needs a break, poor guy, give him a break" "how can he even handle you" "how can he take you" "he's happy if he's away from you and has time with others" etc pp. Again, some background: my partner is extremely attached to me and usually wants to spend 24-7 with me, I'm the one who goes out to work (he's in homeoffice), who goes after work to hobbies and meet up with friends (he doesn't really meetup with friends a lot and his hobbies are solitary hobbies like making music and creative writing). Sometimes I'm trying to motivate my husband and help him iniate activities for him, because I know he likes them, but he's not going for them on his own... So I know that my husband is not annoyed by me or doesn't want to spend less time with me at all,but why does my dad feels the need to tell us that? Logically, maybe he's imagining "if I would have a partner like my daughter, I would feel..." But I mean, of course we wouldn't fit. We need counterparts. Like I'm more like my dad and my partner is more like my mom and thus it fits well. If my husband would be with a person like my mom,that wouldnt work out at all and a person like a dad with me wouldn't work out... But like that's normal,people are different, dynamics are different and I don't even feel so bothered if he's thinking oftentimes how annoyed he would be in a relationship with somebody like me (just think thinking that is a waste of time),but what bothers me and what I don't understand, why does he have to express it towards me and my partner?
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