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gregariousLake1528
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceMarch 9, 2015
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Just need to tell somebody (kinda explicit and long)
Trauma Support / by gregariousLake1528
Last post
 March 9th, 2015
...See more my family has always had some minor issues- we argued a lot and had money problems. When I was 15 or 16 my stepdad asked me if I wanted to join him in the hot tub for a late night soak(which is when I usually went in). However once we had been in there for awhile he started massaging my feet, which was pretty normal, but then he revealed he had no swim shorts on and started rubbing my leg against his erection. I immediately snapped at him and retreated to my room. nothing was said about it and life continued on. About a year later he came down at night to the living room while I was on the computer. He pleaded for me to show him my breasts. Once again I snapped and locked myself in my room, nothing was said and life continued on. During the time period where we were about to have our house foreclosed on my car was in the shop so I had to get rides too and from work which was about 30 minutes away. He was always the one to drive me. He told me several times during that period that I owe him, telling me that I was going to suck his co-- yeah you get the point. Repeatedly I was told this always answering with sharp comebacks or ignoring him entirely, sitting as far to the opposite side of the truck as I could. I was about 19 at the time, that I owed him for all the money he has spent on me throughout the years. I was terrified, but nothing physical ever happened. Finally it ended, I got my car back and the finances for the house evened out. A month later he came down to my room while I was pretending to sleep, it was about 3am, he woke me up and started with the I owe him thing again, and how he needed payment. He told me I had to the end of the week to suck him or he was going to rape me. I spent the next few days bouncing from couch to couch at friend's houses. I moved out shortly after that, not wanting to take any chances. The emotional damage is set though. The little things that he did got to me more, making it so he can access my history on my computer without my knowledge, showing that he could unlock my bedroom door, knowing mom fell asleep hard and early, leaving him the whole night to get to me if he wanted. Luckily it never happened, but even now when I am in the house I'm tense and paranoid. That is all, I'm sorry for such a long rant but it needed to be let out.     
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