gregariousWatermelon9744 Member Profile

...See more Hi. I've had a bit of a whirlwind week. I suppose I could start from the very beginning. Back in August, I was using my significant other's laptop. We've been together since October 2018. I stumbled upon a file with my name on it and smiled...I thought it was the one he had showed me that had all of the fun photos we had taken in it. But no...it was a file of all my "naughty" pics - great, glad he's saving them! Except...I went to the file path and found another file in the same hidden location of his ex's photos. I was shocked he still had them...and had recently accessed them. Especially knowing she had asked him to delete the photos and he told her he had. I felt nausea but kept it in for weeks. Finally, I semi-drunkenly confessed and apologized for my snooping and let him know how I felt that he still had those. He didn't accuse me of violating his privacy - he said he doesn't want to have anything that would make me uncomfortable and I could tell he was seriously upset and told me that I was not over-reacting and was completely valid in my feelings and he would get rid of them. I feel somewhat justified because he always tells me I have free reign over his personal things. I also ended up finding some videos in his gmail account. I deleted those out of anger, thinking he wouldn't remember he had them anyway. Of course, after this happened....I've had the urge to snoop again. I kept it in for a good while, but recently I found that he was searching for those photos by looking at his google activity. I felt gutted. Especially because of how "frantically" the search appeared - different variations of the same term for 45 minutes, multiple times. The last time was this past SUnday, while I was there, cooking him dinner. I've felt unwell all week because of it, but I don't know if I'm blowing this out of proportion. He's a male...I'm sure he needs to fantasize to get his rocks of sometimes. But it leaves me feeling inadequate and wondering. I'm hurt. I don't want to approach him in an accusatory manner, and I'm not sure I'll even bring it up (should I?). I wonder if it's just a nostalgia thing or what...I don't know if he even knows why. Is it a normal thing to do? We both have very high sex drives and it's normal for us to have multiple rounds every day. There are only a handful of times we haven't had sex. I also send him photos/videos regularly, and he tells me to never stop - but, is the attraction wearing off? I don't know...it's just left me with a lot of questions. I guess it feels different because he can look at porn or fantasize all he wants...but when it's an ex of 4 years that he used to live with, and then continued a sexual realtionship for the entire year after their breakup...I can't help the green-eyed monster popping up with feelings of inadequacy knowing the past emotional connection. I imagine it may just be a normal male thing to do...help! Am I over-reacting? I do feel better having written all my thoughts out. I can rationalize all of it...

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