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halfempty1
481 M Embraced 4
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts59 Forum posts22 Forum upvotes22 Current upvotes22 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceNovember 13, 2022
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Days and Nights
General Support / by halfempty1
Last post
 December 31st, 2022
...See more My circadian rhythm is totally messed up. I have time off from work and live alone. I tend to be a night owl, but lately I am staying up until around 4:00 or 5:00 a.m and then sleeping until 4:00 or 5:00 p.m. Part of the problem is I don’t want to be awake. I am lonely and depressed. I have lived in the same house for 28 years, and it’s in need of remodeling and has a lot of stuff I haven’t gotten rid of over the years. It overwhelms me. I have chronic pain and recently decided to get off Cymbalta, which helps with nerve pain, because it wasn’t helping my depression. I am in the process of switching to Pristiq, and I am having my pain problems more now that I’m tapering off the Cymbalta. I sort of feel like I have to choose between pain or depression, although regardless I will likely have to deal with both at some level. I wish I had some motivation to get up and do things, but I don’t. I don’t have insurance coverage for mental health. I am thinking of trying ketamine treatment through Joyous. It costs around $150 a month. It has great reviews. Sometimes I just feel stuck and don’t know what to do about anything!
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Daughter/Grandson Worries
50 & Over Community / by halfempty1
Last post
 December 10th, 2022
...See more My daughter allowed herself to get pregnant while she was in college. She was dating a guy and called me one day and said another girl thought she was pregnant with his child. I told my daughter — pleaded with her to make sure she did not get pregnant by him. I knew that would be a huge disaster, and I also knew that I would not be mentally able to deal with it. She did not listen, and now here we are 10 years later. I love my grandson with all my heart, but he knows he has a half sister who is four months older than he is. It bothers him a lot that he never sees her, and at this point he is not old enough to realize the drama of the situation. The relationship did not work out with my daughter and his father, of course. I think his dad became depressed, and he has ended up doing some very stupid things. Right now he is in jail. I am just blown away by this whole situation. I have never even gotten a speeding ticket and never got in trouble when I was in school as a child. My grandson knows his dad is in jail, and this will be the first Christmas without his dad. My grandson is of course sad. I am angry with my daughter for many reasons. I also feel that she is not being as good of a mom as she should be. She bosses my grandson around constantly and is not nice about it. She does not spend quality time with him and is not often loving towards him. This situation has destroyed me, and there is no hope of it getting better. I have a good job, but I do not have mental health coverage under my insurance policy. I seriously need to see a therapist and a psychiatrist because I am so stressed out over this situation with my daughter. I am fearful that my grandson is going to grow up and have major issues. He has been diagnosed recently with ADHD, and along with that has some oppositional defiant disorder issues. The way my daughter parents him does not help. He is on ADHD meds, and luckily they are helping, but I am concerned about the potential effects they are having on his heart, and I am also concerned about him needing to take the medication for the rest of his life in order for him to be a pleasant person to be around. I have no support system. I wish I could just vanish or that I would have an accident that causes amnesia. I am frustrated that I do not have mental health coverage, but I do not want to switch insurance policies because all the policies these days have very high deductibles for the same price as my current policy, and my policy has a very low deductible and excellent coverage for everything other than mental health. I am not happy and am very depressed. I really do not understand why anyone wants to be alive.
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