halfmoon111 Member Profile

...See more hi! i have pretty low self esteem and struggle to set boundaries or read situations clearly, so i would be very helpful to receive feedback on a dynamic between me and my partner. TW: sex, lack of consent i have been seeing a new partner for about 3 months. (we are both queer and non-binary.) we went into the relationship knowing that we weren't quite sexually compatible- i have a lot of sexual trauma and body shame that makes me fearful of sexual activity much of the time, while this person is very expressive and charismatic, has a high libido, and tends to initiate whether i'm interested or not. outside of physical intimacy the relationship is lovely, caring, attentive, mature, and fun. but in bed it feels like there is so much pressure and tension due to our differences that i get overwhelmed. we have talked about this a lot and they have said they don't want to break up because of sex because that feels shallow to them and they like me a lot in so many other ways, but they also acknowledged that they would not be comfortable having a relationship in which sex never happened. this morning they were initiating sex with me and i froze up, felt scared and triggered, and gently told them i was too anxious to continue . they responded by saying this: "i'm questioning if i'm putting time and energy into a relationship that isn't right for me." i felt very hurt and uncomfortable about this, because it felt like there was so much pressure on me to perform for them rather than empathy for my feelings and experiences. i felt hurt and upset that they have these expectations of me rather than being patient and present with me as i am. but when we talked about it, they voiced that they felt insecure and rejected by me, so they had responded from their own triggered headspace. i do have compassion for how they feel. i am so scared to break up because i really care about them, and they have stated that they're willing to continue working with me and see this as a learning experience, but i feel so frustrated and honestly i don't know if i can trust them after this. i feel like it's not really okay for me to be anxious. i am using a very hard time understanding how to process this situation and whether my feelings are legitimate or just reactive. i don't know how much significance to give this incident - i just feel so upset that they responded to my anxiety by saying the relationship might not work for them.

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