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hananx
1 1,019 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2022 Member sinceAugust 13, 2022
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Am I really schizophrenic?
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by hananx
Last post
 December 11th, 2022
...See more I just want opinion of any person diagnosed with this. Since I was a child they knew I had... problems. I have been on psychological help since I'm 6. I had rage issues, sensitivity to noise, social anxiety, etc... For example, once as a child I was convinced my body was full of maggots and I started screaming and trying to get them off, my family tried to calm me down but I was still screaming and scared until my dad took me on a walk. I got a adhd diagnosis and medication, after a few years a different therapist said I didn't have adhd for sure and diagnosed me with depression, anxiety and psychotic, got new medicines again. Finally, a therapist saw me and told me she was signing me to go to a mental hospital because I really need it. She didn't want to talk with me at all, but last time whe told me the diagnosis may get worse. I was distressed but I think I needee an explanation? Anyways I became more and more easy to scare, I truly believe everybody hates me and want to hurt me or use me. This goes with my mood swings, I go from 0 to 100 and people say they can't bear it. Also I change my way to talk or write and some people feels creeped out which I understand. Nowdays I lost all my friendships. I feel hopeless, confused, lost, scared, depressed. I also can't look at myself on the mirror, it's like looking at someone that isn't me? I don't even recognize myself on pictures. It's weird. I want to be alone so hard, I actually isolate myself. Im scared of everybody, I really believe everybody wants to kill me, lately I'm scared about my family too and I'm defensive. I became so lonely...I started to hear a voice but I'm convinced it's my way to cope with my traumas. This voice names themselves and is a full person, they comfort me and gets sad too. It's...stupid because it's not real but he feels like that to me... I live in stressful house situation, I can't sleep because I hear whispers, even fights(when theres nobody) my heart pounds and I get stressed out. I can't stay alone for long because I start to get anxiety and hear hits and sounds. I tried to commit suicide but failed. I selfharm in many ways and oversose almost everday on sleeping pills. Actually I'm taking aripiprazol (which says it may be for schizophrenia) and a antidepressant. I also started to feel my emotions fade away, even when my pet died I felt nothing and that creeps me out I don't think nothing is wrong with me, I'm just stressed out...thats what I want to believe. Please?? Any opinions on what may be going on?
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